Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
There is a rising issue among societies about how some
children
use most of their time
each day on their mobile phones. This
matter caused
by various interesting Add a missing verb
is caused
thing
which are provided by smartphones and it Fix the agreement mistake
things
is
Verb problem
has
lead
to two sides of the development: Wrong verb form
led
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
Change preposition
in children
children
knowledge and Change noun form
children's
Correct article usage
a raise
raise
effect number of unnecessary Correct your spelling
rise
illness
in their stage. I personally deal with the former notion.
Fundamentally, Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
cellphones
have lots of interesting things which lead to continuous usage by Correct your spelling
cell phones
children
. They are tend
to focus on that because not Change the verb form
tend
every thing
in real life can give that kind of satisfaction-winning games. Correct your spelling
everything
For example
, YouTube has a lot of videos, and children
can easily access them. They can choose funny videos or animation short film
, which can make them Fix the agreement mistake
films
spent
hours to finish or satisfy themselves.
Wrong verb form
spend
Therefore
, this
issue lead
to positive and negative developments. On one hand, it is believed that kids who Change the verb form
leads
spent
their Wrong verb form
spend
time
most
on the phone tend to have broader knowledge Correct quantifier usage
apply
due to
various
information Correct article usage
the various
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
available
on it. To illustrate Add a missing verb
is available
mentioned
explanation, Correct article usage
the mentioned
majority
of Correct article usage
the majority
children
in present
Add an article
the present
time
are
sometimes easily Unnecessary verb
apply
to
understand Fix the infinitive
apply
adults
or Change noun form
adults'
adult's
teenagers
Change noun form
teenagers'
teenager's
conversation
because they know about the topic, Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
which
already Correct pronoun usage
that they
discuss
or Wrong verb form
discussed
talk in
their smartphones. Wrong verb form
talked about on
On the other hand
, this
Correct determiner usage
these
kids
Change noun form
kid's
kids'
activity
can create Fix the agreement mistake
activities
unnecessary
impact towards their health. The amount of Correct article usage
an unnecessary
time
that they took was long and there is not
limit which is made by themselves. Correct your spelling
no
For instance
, recently, most children
already deal
with eye Wrong verb form
dealt
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
due to
cellphones
radiation.
In conclusion, the reason behind Correct your spelling
cell phone
this
matter is the fun things in smartphones and it is lead
to the merit -broader knowledge- and drawback -unnecessary illness in Wrong verb form
leads
children
stage. Based on these sides, I still think it is a part of positive development, but those children
need to manage their time
usage on their phones with the contribution of their parents.Submitted by e.warikar on
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coherence cohesion
The essay would greatly benefit from a more structured approach, with clearer topic sentences for each paragraph and a logical progression of ideas. The introduction should more explicitly state the points that will be covered. The body paragraphs should each focus on a single main idea, providing clear examples and supporting details.
task achievement
It is essential to fully address all parts of the task. Make sure the essay provides a balanced discussion of why children spend hours on their smartphones and whether this is a positive or negative development. Also, the position should be clear throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.