IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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There are two contrasting perspectives regarding the effectiveness of advertising in
product
Use synonyms
 marketing. Some individuals advocate that advertising is a powerful strategy in business marketing, as it successfully wins over buyers. Meanwhile, others assert the opposite
due to
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 the ad-fatigue phenomenon.
Although
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 prolonged exposure to ads may lead to reduced engagement, advertising remains a productive approach to promoting products.
To begin
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 with, advertising is widely used in the business sector as a marketing strategy to promote a
product
Use synonyms
.
This
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 is deemed powerful not only for the companies but
also
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 for some segments of society, for several reasons.
Firstly
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, people often need valuable information before deciding to make a purchase.
Secondly
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, some companies have unique strategies
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 advertising their products. Take,
for instance
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, the Apple company uses a different strategy
among
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from
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 its competitors. It uses User Generated Content (UGC) to promote the new iPhone 15 on social
media
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, successfully persuading people to queue up during its initial launch months ago.
This
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 case supports the idea that advertising is still an effective tool
in
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for
show examples
 promotion.
Nevertheless
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, extended exposure to a
product
Use synonyms
's campaign can lead to
ad-fatigue
Add an article
the ad-fatigue
an ad-fatigue
show examples
 phenomenon, where individuals become less responsive to advertisements. To illustrate, common ads that appear on various
media
Use synonyms
 channels, either in the digital
media
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such
Linking Words
 as television, YouTube, or in the non-digital
media
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for instance
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 newspapers or posters, are frequently skipped by people
due to
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 repeated display
to
Change preposition
of
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 similar content.
Hence
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, advertisements may no longer be attractive to some individuals. In conclusion,
while
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 highly prevalent advertisements impact people’s interest in making purchases, I firmly believe that attractive and exceptional
product
Use synonyms
 marketing remains significant in attracting new buyers or retaining loyal consumers.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear overall structure with a logical flow. However, to improve, consider creating clearer topic sentences that preview the content of each paragraph for enhanced clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is commendable. Work on making your conclusion more than a restatement of your introduction; discuss the implications or predict future trends for a stronger finish.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, but the support sometimes lacks depth. Incorporate more detailed evidence and expand your explanations to fully develop your arguments.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing both views and providing your opinion. However, to improve, balance the treatment of both views by developing the second view as fully as you did the first, ensuring a well-rounded essay.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but they could be more comprehensive. Deepen your analysis of the topic by discussing nuances and considerations, thus enriching the content of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay uses specific examples, but they could be more relevant and varied. Introduce a range of illustrative examples from different contexts to strength your supporting evidence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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