IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows the results of surveys in one African country asking teenagers the main reasons for using their phones between 2016 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The chart shows the results of surveys in one African country asking teenagers the main reasons for using their phones between 2016 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
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The pie charts show the primary reasons why youngsters from African regions used their mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 from 2016 and 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of teenagers used their
phones
Use synonyms
 for social networks over
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the given
period
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of surveyors who purchased
phones
Use synonyms
 for calls was the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
. It can be seen that in all years , the main reason for phone usage was social platforms and the percentage of these people was always near 50%, and
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
 of the given
period
Use synonyms
 it hit the peak
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 56%.Back
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2016, a mere 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of surveyors used mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 digital camera and the next
year
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 fraction remained stable. In
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 years
this
Linking Words
 trend went upward for 18% and 20% , in 2018 and 2019 respectively. The number of teens using their mobiles for email decreased throughout the given
period
Use synonyms
.
In
Change the preposition
At
show examples
 the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
 , a quarter of them chose it for email , but in 2019,
this
Linking Words
 trend reduced
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 6%, with
figure
Correct article usage
a figure
show examples
19
Change preposition
of 19
show examples
%.
Therefore
Linking Words
 , the proportion of people who use their
phones
Use synonyms
 for calls
was fluctuated
Change to the active voice
fluctuated
has fluctuated
show examples
, but it was the their least reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 phone usage
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every
year
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
 it
has shown
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 only 5%.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words phones, period, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • noticeable shift
  • communication preferences
  • considerably declined
  • functionalities
  • reflecting global trends
  • emerging trend
  • educational use of technology
  • diversification
  • traditional communication
  • digital forms of communication
  • instant messaging
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