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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts give information about honey-bee colonies and honey production in the US

The charts give information about honey-bee colonies and honey production in the US
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The charts below give information about the
number
Use synonyms
 of
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honey
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-bee
colonies
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 and the
amount
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 of
Use synonyms
honey
Use synonyms
-bee
production
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 in the US between 1970 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of
Use synonyms
Honey
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-bee
colonies
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have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 decreased over 30
years
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 from 1980 to 2010,so the
amount
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 of
honey
Use synonyms
production
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 dropped to 70000
tonnes
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.From 1970 to 1980, the
number
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 of
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honey
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-bee
colonies
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 went up each year till it reached just under 4,5. The
number
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 of
Use synonyms
honey
Use synonyms
-bee
colonies
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were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
showed
Change the form of the verb
shown
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at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the left chart. In 1970, the
number
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 of
Use synonyms
honey
Use synonyms
-bee
colonies
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 rose until 1980.
However
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of
Use synonyms
honey
Use synonyms
-bee
colonies
Use synonyms
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased every ten
years
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 till it reached just under 2
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2010. The
last
Linking Words
 chart
showed
Wrong verb form
shows
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the
amount
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 of
honey
Use synonyms
production
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.In 1970, the
amount
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 of
honey
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 130,000
tonnes
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 and
then
Linking Words
 the
amount
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 dropped to 110,000
tonnes
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 in 1980.
However
Linking Words
, between 1980 and 1990, the
amount
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 rose to 120,000
tonnes
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 and went up every ten
years
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 till it reached just 70,000
tonnes
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. In conclusion, both charts show the
number
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 of
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honey
Use synonyms
-bee
colonies
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 and the
amount
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 of
honey
Use synonyms
production
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, both of them
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 deceased for 40
years
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 86%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, honey-bee, colonies, amount, production, years, honey, tonnes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
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