IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#universities #offer #courses #internet #people #study
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Nowadays regarding the advent of technology progress ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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 remote
study
 is the most favourite method for presenting courses around the
world
 without a high level of
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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 to choose people to enter into programmes,
however
, It would be wonderful because educational justice around the
world
 is coming true dreams and many populations who
has
Change the verb form
have
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not
Correct your spelling
no
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 access to the best academic institution could be able to push on their own keyboards and connect to the academic classrooms in best countries ,
however
, It would not be a real
study
 program in some important reasons ,
for example
, poor evaluation electronic systems on assessing learners level and understanding of topics ,poor communication with peers and will promote the solidarity around the
world
 ,so , I believe the disadvantages of virtual
study
 are heavier than advantages and I will explain in detail. First of all, academic life is constructed based on campus life, designing a serious routine for students to participate in a classroom ,and have a panel of discussion with their own classmates and these methods of teaching could
be flourished
Wrong verb form
flourish
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 hidden talents of human and structured countries for future . In another aspect , tech- advancement has not yet succeeded in controlling the behaviour of human and teaching the skills and abilities which learners would need to shape their purposes for living in a society ,
in addition
 , poor evaluation systems during exams the another defect in virtual
study
 ,
however
, easy access to the content of some units in the field of
study
 can prompt motivation among students and
more
Add a missing verb
is more
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 desirable for populations who are not able to access any schools and academic institutions in deprived areas . In conclusion , I believe
virtual
Add an article
the virtual
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study
 should not be replaced by campus
study
 because It could not build essential abilities for students in their future professions , detach people together and increase solidarity ,
however
, It seems to be able to bring more balance around the
world
 for deprived areas to familiar with
essential
Add an article
the essential
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 content of science .
Submitted by h.ebrahimi66 on

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task achievement
The essay does not clearly address the task of discussing the advantages and disadvantages in a balanced way. The response seems biased towards a personal viewpoint without fully exploring both sides of the argument, which is essential in IELTS tasks.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak, with ideas not being fully developed or supported with relevant examples. There are also issues with paragraphing, with ideas sometimes not being clearly separated into distinct paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but not fully effective in setting up and summarizing the topic. They need to be clearer and more concise to encapsulate the main topic and the writer's viewpoint accurately.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear main points that are logically developed and supported with concrete examples. The ideas presented are often broad and need to be narrowed down to specific advantages and disadvantages that can be examined in detail.
task achievement
The essay has addressed the topic, but the response is incomplete because it does not cover the full range of advantages and is too focused on the disadvantages.
task achievement
The ideas could be clearer and more comprehensive. For a high IELTS score, it's important to articulate your points clearly and develop them comprehensively.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are lacking. These are necessary to support your main points and give your essay authenticity, making it more convincing to the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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