Behaviour in schools is getting worse. Explain the causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions.
Nowadays,
students
’ behaviour becomes
the main concern for teachers. The manner of Wrong verb form
has become
students
is getting worse due to
several factors, resulting in negative impacts.
Firstly
, in this
digital era, students
become more familiar with social media which affects how they communicate and interact with others. They can see a lot of contents
and information from worldwide. Sometimes, unfiltered Fix the agreement mistake
content
contents
can impact young Fix the agreement mistake
content
students
. For example
, in
social Change preposition
on
media
there are many videos which Add a comma
media,
contains
Change the verb form
contain
of
disrespectful behaviour Remove the preposition
apply
such
as speaking loudly to the
older ones, and bullying. Young Correct article usage
apply
students
, especially elementary school students
, tend to follow what they watch from those videos because they do not know that
it is dangerous or not. They just think that it will prove their domination and Correct word choice
whether
brave
. Replace the word
bravery
Secondly
, the manner of students
is getting worse because of their environment. They meet with the wrong people or adults then
they are influenced to do something bad. To illustrate, there are many children who try smoking because they see their adult friends or maybe their parents do that in front of them.
In my perspective, the students
’ behaviour gives
some Verb problem
has
impacts
on their education. Fix the agreement mistake
impact
Students
who have bad attitude
choose to leave their class Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
for doing
another activity. It can make them Change preposition
to do
failed
in some subjects or even in their study. Youngsters with bad manners tend to live in freedom, so they will not listen to their parents and just do everything without considering the effect. Some of them become criminals and do not have Wrong verb form
fail
great
future.
In conclusion, the change Correct article usage
a great
of
Change preposition
in
students
’ manner is getting worse due to
several causes and it provides
negative impacts Verb problem
has
for
their education and future.Change preposition
on
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure which makes it challenging to follow. Ensure your ideas are organized with clear paragraphs, each presenting a distinct point that progresses logically from one to the next. Consider using topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are insufficiently developed. The introduction should clearly state the issues you will discuss while the conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position. Both should be distinct and informative, providing a framework for the essay.
coherence cohesion
While you have included some examples and reasons, they require further development to effectively support your main points. Aim to provide detailed explanations and pertinent examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The essay does not fully address all parts of the task. To thoroughly respond to the prompt, ensure you explore both causes and effects, and provide well-thought-out solutions to the problem. Each area needs to be covered comprehensively to meet task requirements.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear but not comprehensive. Focus on fully developing each point with detailed explanations and examples. Be thorough in your discussion to ensure that the reader fully understands your perspective on both causes and effects, as well as your suggested solutions.
task achievement
Your essay's examples are relevant but lack specificity. When presenting examples, they should be concrete and directly relate to the point you are making. Specific examples are effective because they demonstrate the real-world application of your ideas and arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
