IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries schools have severe problems with students behaviour.What are the causes and possile solutions for this problem.

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It is often argued that the behavioural
issues
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 of
students
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 are the major
issues
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 at many schools in most countries. The possible causes of
this
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 problem are unstable family backgrounds and peer pressure which could be alleviated by enforcing strict rules and counselling the
students
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 regularly.
This
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 essay will discuss the same with relevant examples. Some possible causes of
this
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 issue are the negative impacts of family
issues
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 and the bad
influence
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 of possibly toxic relationships.
To begin
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 with, some situational aspects of families have a significant negative impact on
children
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's mental well-being and
influence
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 them to have disciplinary
issues
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.
For instance
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, a child who has a single parent may not earn sufficient enough to satisfy the needs of a kid and may divert him to feel envy
of
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apply
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children
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 who have access to everything
that
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which
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 may motivate him to bully or cause suffering to wealthy
students
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.
Furthermore
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, unhealthy relationships at school can
also
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influence
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children
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 to reflect negative behaviour as they try to mimic their friends to gain more fame among the
students
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. Some solutions that could be implemented in order to prevent the issue are to reinforce strict rules and conduct regular counselling to direct them on the right path.
Firstly
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, educational institutions should take action by dismissing the offspring from attending classes may help them to change their attitude at school.
In addition
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, they should analyse the background of
such
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children
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 and meet their parents to take appropriate action at home.
Moreover
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, all learning centres must have student counsellors who can counsel those problem-causing offspring regularly which influences them to change their behaviour and improve their self-confidence and self-esteem, and
also
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, nurture them in the right direction.
For example
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, it is evident that in Western Countries, the introduction of student counsellor programs significantly reduced an average of 60% of
issues
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 related to bad behaviour at many schools. In conclusion, the majority of disciplinary
issues
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 among school
students
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 are
due to
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 unstable family situations and the negative
influence
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 of friends which could be alleviated by implementing the following solutions in educational settings
such
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 as clear guidelines to establish boundaries
as well as
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 frequent counselling methods to foster the
overall
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 well-being of the young ones.

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the prompt are adequately addressed. Some elements of the problem and solutions could be explored in more depth to fulfill the task requirements fully.
task response
Work on developing each main point with more supporting details and examples. The ideas are relevant but require further elaboration to be convincing.
task response
The examples provided are somewhat general and could be more specific to add weight to the arguments presented in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. While there is a logical structure, work on creating stronger links between your main points.
coherence cohesion
Check that the introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, capturing the main points and summarizing the discussion cohesively.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points consistently with detailed examples or evidence to increase the persuasive power of the essay.
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