IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Many people nowadays spend a large of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, many people's screen time is really high, which is inherently for
young
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the young
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 generation. It seems to me that the main reason for that
it
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apply
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is
the
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that
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 all human
being
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beings
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 can be put
in
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on
show examples
Use synonyms
smartphone
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smartphones
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
phone
Correct article usage
the phone
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it
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apply
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is
resource
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a resource
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 to access
to
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apply
show examples
information and numerous kinds of
entartainment
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entertainment
,
such
Linking Words
 as social media, games and obviously, the Internet.
This
Linking Words
 gadget
facilitate
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facilitates
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 remote work and flexibility, which gives you plentiful opportunities.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Add an article
the smartphone
a smartphone
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smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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 can be used,
like
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as
show examples
device
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devices
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 for
self-improvment
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self-improvement
 or education.
For instance
Linking Words
,
relevant
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a relevant
the relevant
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 example from my personal experience is I used to do all my
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
in
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on
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 my devices every day, even rarely can do the same thing now.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I have a lot of online friendships at present, so I use
socail
Correct your spelling
social
medias
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media
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, as a primary means of communication.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
smartphone
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 is a huge distractor from real life and things, like face-to-face interactions or physical activities. It leads to
decrease
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a decrease
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 in productivity, which consequences might be enormous.
Besides
Linking Words
, without
attention
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attention,
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 you will be procrastinating all the time.
For example
Linking Words
, the quarantine in 2020 led society to issues with motivation or wish to continue working and studying.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I assume that it is
more
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a more
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 positive development, rather than negative. The possibilities you can take from
Use synonyms
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
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 outweigh
disadvantages
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the disadvantages
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 of that.

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coherence cohesion
You should ensure there is a clear introduction that presents a preview of the main points. Your main body paragraphs need to have clear topic sentences that make it evident what each paragraph will discuss. Transition signals could be improved to guide the reader more smoothly from one idea to the next. Work on sentence variety and the correct use of linking words.
task achievement
Your essay touches on the reasons and states an opinion on the development, but the ideas could be expanded further for clarity. There is an attempt to illustrate the points with examples, but these could be more specific and fully developed to support your arguments. It's important to really delve into 'why' people spend so much time on smartphones, and more than one reason should be explored for a high score. In addition, both sides of the 'positive or negative' aspect of the question should be addressed equally.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Connectivity
  • Multifunctionality
  • Instant gratification
  • Digital natives
  • Cybersecurity concerns
  • Social isolation
  • Ergonomic issues
  • Technological addiction
  • Virtual communities
  • E-learning
  • Telecommuting
  • Screen time
  • Digital detox
  • Mobile applications
  • User interface
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Information overload
  • Carpal tunnel syndrome
  • Procrastination
  • Phubbing (ignoring someone in favor of a mobile phone)
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