IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

At schools, students should only be taught academic knowledge to pass the exams, and skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should be learned from family and friends. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #students #exams #skills #cookery #woodwork #friends
The principal focus of schools should be
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 grooming academically sound students who excel at exams
while
 skills in catering, sewing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dresses and carpentry should be developed from practice from loved ones. I am in complete disagreement with
this
 statement because the purpose of education is
being
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
 well-grounded in all areas and
acquisition
Correct article usage
the acquisition
show examples
 of vocational skills at institutions could offer better expertise. The sole aim of every school is to educate students and not to limit them to examination success. If students are taught to only ace tests, they
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 not be sound in other aspects and might not be ready for the real world where being handy and craftsy can be quite beneficial for them.
For example
,
as a result
 of frequent food and nutrition
practice
Fix the agreement mistake
practices
show examples
 in Nigerian Secondary Schools, many sons can assist their mothers in the kitchen because they are taught
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
essential survival
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
. Making these practices part of the curriculum can mean being exceptionally good at them. With the organisation of a class setting,necessary textbooks and a qualified instructor in some of these vocations, many of the learners may turn these into their professional trades and generate regular income as opposed to merely observing at home.
For instance
, because of the introduction of Trade into the Nigerian curriculum, one of my classmates in High School learnt photography and is now a professional photographer- the CEO of Scenema Pictures and is
also
 a Civil Engineer. In conclusion, the inclusion of practical skills could help scholars pursue alternate professional career paths and could
also
 make them more mentally sound and prepare them to take the world.
Submitted by annodunowo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout, which addresses the question prompt. However, for task achievement, ensure that you cover all aspects of the task by showing the other side of the argument too, as this makes for a more balanced response. Your reasoning should consistently relate to the specific question, rather than general statements about the subject.
coherence cohesion
While your essay follows a logical structure, transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the flow of your argument. Make use of a wider range of cohesive devices and ensure paragraphs are well-developed around one central idea for improved coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic knowledge
  • exams
  • cookery
  • dressmaking
  • woodwork
  • practical skills
  • well-rounded education
  • beneficial
  • integration
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!