some children spend hours everyday on smartphone. why is this the case? do you think is a positive or negative development.
Nowadays we realise that we live and grow with
tecnology
advances. Correct your spelling
technology
People
living
with using Wrong verb form
live
tecnology
and everything we do is always with Correct your spelling
technology
tecnology
. Correct your spelling
technology
Development
of Correct article usage
The development
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
bring
Change the verb form
brings
effect
Correct article usage
an effect
to
Change preposition
on
people
including children. As a result
, young people
tend to spend time
with their smartphone
.
One of Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
development
is communication difficulties. it will be difficult for them to communicate and interact with other Fix the agreement mistake
developments
peoplw
because they enjoy Correct your spelling
people
with
themselves. It Change preposition
apply
is makes
them choose to have a private life. Change the verb form
makes
for instance
, young people
like to meet their friends through
online rather than in person because they think it is easy and do not waste Change preposition
apply
time
.
Another issue is that cause mental issue in youth
generation. Mental disorder comes to Correct article usage
the youth
have
the habit of Unnecessary verb
apply
selfish
and being individualistic. it happens in Add a missing verb
being selfish
young
generation. They have mental Add an article
the young
problem
because they tend to spend Fix the agreement mistake
problems
time
with themselve
and feel bad Correct your spelling
themselves
of
that. Change preposition
about
For example
, government
recorded information about a lot of young Add an article
the government
people
generation who get panic attack
, bipolar disorder and Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
other
.
Fix the agreement mistake
others
To sum up
, many children choose ti
take their Correct your spelling
to
time
with gadget
as an impact Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
from
high Change preposition
of
tecnology
but it has Correct your spelling
technology
negative
development Correct article usage
a negative
for
their Change preposition
on
socializing
Replace the word
social
skill
and mental health.Fix the agreement mistake
skills
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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Structure
Ensure that the introduction presents a clear statement of the essay's purpose or main argument, and that the conclusion effectively summarizes or restates this argument in relation to the discussion presented. Currently, the introduction and conclusion are lacking a clear thesis statement and summary.
Organization
Develop logical and organized paragraphs, each with a clear main idea followed by supporting sentences. This essay shows a weakness in paragraph structure and logical progression of ideas.
Support
Provide specific and relevant examples to support points made in the essay. The examples currently used lack detail and specificity, and thus, do not effectively support the arguments.
Completeness
Fully address both parts of the question in a balanced manner, providing a more complete response to why children spend hours everyday on smartphones and whether it is a positive or negative development. Expand on the ideas to show clear and comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.