The use of the internet by teenagers should be limited because many of them have been target of cyberbullying. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Young
people
always access the internet
, but we must consider to be limited
their activity because they can be targeted by cyberbullying. I do not believe that because the Wrong verb form
limiting
internet
get
many Verb problem
gives
benefit
to teenagers, Change to a plural noun
benefits
but
we must Correct word choice
apply
give
more attention to their attitude Verb problem
pay
in
online activity.
Nowadays, young Change preposition
toward
people
use the internet
to get more information which needed
in Add a missing verb
is needed
school
or social live
. They can Replace the word
life
self study
after Add a hyphen
self-study
school
. For example
, they will get more explanation or exercise from academic website
or videos if they do not Fix the agreement mistake
websites
Correct your spelling
understand
undestand
from Correct your spelling
understand
school
,
Furthermore
, teneagers
need the Correct your spelling
teenagers
internet
to communicate with their friends, family, and teachers. They can Capitalize word
Internet
also
meet new friend
and make Fix the agreement mistake
friends
connection
with foreign Fix the agreement mistake
connections
people
from social media. So, they can make networking in social live
, Replace the word
life
then
it will be benefit
for their future. For Replace the word
beneficial
exampel
, they can use Correct your spelling
example
instagram
, Change the capitalization
Instagram
facebook
, or Capitalize word
Facebook
linked
Capitalize word
Linked
to
make Change preposition
In to
branding
personality.
Correct article usage
a branding
On the other hand
, when young individuals are out of control interaction
Fix the agreement mistake
interactions
in
Change preposition
on
sosial
media, it will Correct your spelling
social
give
Verb problem
have
bad
impact. So, parents and teachers should give more information about their activity Add an article
a bad
in
the Change preposition
on
internet
. Capitalize word
Internet
Moreover
, the government can arrange new curicullum
and can add new Correct your spelling
curricula
subject
about good Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
atitude
in real and online Correct your spelling
attitudes
live
. Replace the word
life
For instance
, young people
can learn about how to response
or react, how to write Replace the word
respond
good
Add an article
a good
sentence
and avoid Fix the agreement mistake
sentences
bad
Add an article
the bad
word
, Fix the agreement mistake
words
how
to acquire respect Correct word choice
and how
online
Change preposition
from online
friend
, e.g in Fix the agreement mistake
friends
the
Correct article usage
apply
school
.
In conclusion, recently, the internet
is
Wrong verb form
has been
essential
thing to common Add an article
an essential
the essential
people
not only adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
pople
but Correct your spelling
people
also
young people
. Young people
get a lot of benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
to
their Change preposition
in
live
, but adult Replace the word
lives
people
should be aware and control their activities with give
good and bad Verb problem
apply
recommendation
.Fix the agreement mistake
recommendations
Submitted by muhammadluthfidzulfikar on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Introduction
The essay lacks a clear introduction and a thesis statement that explicitly addresses the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement provided. It's important to clearly present your position at the beginning to guide the reader.
Body Paragraphs
The body paragraphs are somewhat underdeveloped, lacking depth and detailed explanations. The examples provided are brief and not fully explored. More elaboration and explanation of how these examples support your ideas would be beneficial.
Grammar & Vocabulary
The essay contains multiple grammatical errors and incorrect word choices, which make it difficult to follow. Proofread your work carefully to correct these mistakes, and consider studying grammar rules more closely.
Conclusion
The conclusion is inadequate. It restates the main points vaguely and fails to clearly summarize the writer's position. A stronger conclusion would effectively summarize your main points and reiterate your position clearly.
Task Response
Develop your ideas more fully, ensuring that each paragraph has a single, clear main idea supported with specific and pertinent examples. Make sure that your essay directly responds to the task with a well-considered argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your essay. Use conjunctions, topic sentences, and transitions effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next to improve coherence.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.