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Band 4.5

Human activities have led negative effects on plant and animals all over the world. Some people think it is too late to do something about it. Others think there is still some time to take actions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#activities #effects #plant #animals #world #people #time #actions
climate
change
 is a very huge issue and
this
 should be a top priority for every stakeholder around countries to solve
this
, for the sake of providing a better life to the current and next generation. specialists say
climate
change
 happens because of human activities, and plants and animals are now considered the most affected living creatures by
climate
change
.
for example
 in the Arctic, there is a sudden appearance of strange viruses that later kill a few habitats in it. in a tropical country, farmers are now not able to do regular harvest because of a strange phenomenon. experts say the growth of technology development causes
this
climate
change
 phenomenon, and the earth is forecasted to lose its ability to be lived by living things by the end of the year 2100 if
people
 only stay still and do nothing to
change
this
 situation. with around 7 billion
people
 in the world, half of them choose to do nothing as they think they are not doing anything harmful and they should not be the ones that take responsibility.
while
 the rest of them think it is not too late to take some actions to provide a better life. I agree that we should take even a small action to prevent worse accidents. humans need to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their nutrition needs and energy by eating healthy foods, as they can afford it through plants and animals. if
people
 just do nothing,
then
 the long-term effect will affect
also
 them. but, the fact that half of them who choose to do nothing
also
 do not deserve to be blamed, because they think what happens to plants and animals is not cause but their activities, so the ones that cause it should take responsibility. in conclusion, if something
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
 to living things around us,
people
 are
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
allowed to take even
smallest
Correct article usage
the smallest
show examples
 action, because it still matters to provide a better life
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them.
Submitted by semangatbanget.s2 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a strong and coherent structure. Introduction and conclusion are present but could be more effective in clearly stating the thesis and summarizing the points. Paragraphs need clearer topic sentences and better organization.
Task Achievement
The response covers the topic but the answer is not fully developed. More in-depth analysis and a stronger personal stance with clear examples would enhance the quality of the essay. Relevance could be improved by sticking closely to the prompt's specifics throughout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deforestation
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystems
  • conservation efforts
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable practices
  • mitigate
  • preserve
  • environmental education
  • global cooperation
  • biotechnology
  • habitat restoration
  • proactive
  • collaborative
  • ecological footprint
  • species extinction
  • climate change
  • fossil fuels
  • endangered species
  • green technology
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