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Band 5.5

These days, more and more people study or live abroad. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

#people #study
People
 indeed tend to live outside their home base, even in the other
country
 to study or to live permanently. the main reason why they
move
 is because they think the educational system in the other
country
 is better.
moreover
, job vacancies with better wages are
also
 provided in the
country
 where the educational system is preferable.
this
 phenomenon looks great because it contains several advantages.
however
, living abroad
also
 includes several risks or challenges. currently, the UK and the US are the
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 countries for
people
, especially from Asia and Africa, to
move
 whether it is to study or to
move
 as a permanent resident. moving abroad is quite beneficial as
people
 tend to choose a better
country
 with a better quality, depending on what
people
 are looking for. speaking of the UK and the US, these countries provide better air, even the best educational system, and better paychecks, that will increase the quality of
people
's lives.
however
, moving abroad still has several challenges or disadvantages.
people
 need to sacrifice their time not meeting their relatives for quite some time because, despite the distance, the price of the transportation will
cost
Verb problem
be
show examples
 a little too much. moving to a
country
 that
people
 have never been to before will be challenging because they are not familiar with the culture, even the local languages they speak. so if
people
 consider moving abroad, they have to learn about the
country
 extra, to survive and achieve their goals there. in the end,
people
 have the right to decide which path of life they want to take. sometimes, their life ambition forces them to
move
 to another
country
. stay and
focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
 on the home base or
move
 abroad will have advantages and disadvantages on its own, so
people
 need to be wise and be well-prepared for the decisions that they will make.
Submitted by semangatbanget.s2 on

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task achievement
Task response needs considerable improvement. While the essay touches upon the advantages and disadvantages of studying or living abroad, it fails to provide a balanced or comprehensive exploration of the topic. Try to fully answer the question by providing equal discussion to both sides of the argument, and ensure that the conclusion summarizes the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion can be improved. Organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea. Use a range of linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs, and work on presenting a clear progression of thought throughout the essay. The introduction and conclusion are present, yet they could be more impactful and reflective of the main points discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Study abroad
  • International exposure
  • Job market
  • Cultural exchange
  • Broad worldview
  • Prestigious institutions
  • Study programs
  • Cultural shock
  • Adapting
  • Homesickness
  • Emotional challenges
  • Financial cost
What to do next:
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