IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Young people often copy the behaviour of famous people, so celebrities should only be allowed to advertise healthy food or drink and should not encourage unhealthy habits such as smoking. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #copy #behaviour #celebrities #food #drink #habits
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Currently,a lot of youngsters are greatly influenced by public figures,
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as
Correct word choice
and as
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 a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
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 they have to embrace positive actions
instead
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 of negatives.
This
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 essay will delve into the details of the given topic
in addition
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 to my opinion that will be elaborated.
To begin
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 with, back in 1960, in the U.S.A.,
smoking
Correct article usage
a smoking
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advertisements
Change the noun form
advertisement
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 campaign was launched by celebrities;
consequently
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, the Marlboro company achieved
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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huge profits.
However
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,despite
this
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, America whose the highest percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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youngsters
lung
Change preposition
with lung
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 cancer around the globe.So as to the given justifications,the
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
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 people should practice positive actions. The other pattern can be seen in Japan, in order to overcome obesity which extents caused by unhealthy meals.
Hence
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,what the celebrities did was advocate their platforms in
procedure
Correct article usage
a procedure
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 to sustain a healthy lifestyle.
Therefore
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, the proportion of youths who suffer from obesity is a handful.
According to
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 the aforementioned reasons, it seems to me that the role of the
well known
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well-known
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 people in society is playing
a tangible impacts
Correct the article-noun agreement
a tangible impact
tangible impacts
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for
Change preposition
on
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 the young
people
Change noun form
people's
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 lifestyle. In a nutshell, after a thorough analysis of
this
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 subject, it is predicted that the negative advertisements which are done by public figures have to be hindered, on account of the given articulations.
Submitted by nadeenelkenawy4425 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure, with distinct paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence and follow with supporting details.
coherence cohesion
It is essential that the introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, with the introduction outlining the essay's direction and the conclusion effectively summarizing the arguments without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Main points must be supported by relevant and detailed examples. Avoid overgeneralizations and ensure the examples are directly linked to the argument being made.
task achievement
Your response must address all parts of the task, providing a clear opinion throughout and a conclusion that reflects the arguments presented.
task achievement
Ideas should be clear, well-developed, and comprehensive. Expand on your ideas to explain and support your opinion fully, rather than simply stating them.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your ideas. These examples should be relevant to the topic and should help illustrate your points more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • endorsement
  • influence
  • lifestyle
  • consciousness
  • social responsibility
  • regulation
  • liberty
  • supply and demand
  • unintended consequences
  • critical thinking
  • brand image
  • nutrition
  • public figure
  • health advocacy
  • restrictions
  • moderation
  • consumer behavior
  • market forces
  • ethical advertising
  • personal brand
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