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Band 5.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions
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The line graph illustrates and gives a projection
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the fluctuations of the urban
population
Use synonyms
 in four Southeast Asian
countries
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 between 1970 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of the
city
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 populace in all four
countries
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growing
Wrong verb form
grew
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 steadily over
70-year
Add an article
a 70-year
show examples
 period,
while
Linking Words
 the
percentage
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 of Philippines'
city
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 residents had witnessed
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 fluctuation before 2010. It can be seen that the figure for
urban
Add an article
the urban
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 in
Malaysia
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 and
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 grew rapidly between 1970 and 2020, and it is projected to grow steadily until 2040. In 1970,
Malaysia
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 had 30% of people
live
Wrong verb form
lived
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 in urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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,
whereas
Linking Words
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 had only 13% of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
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do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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. From that year, the ratio in these two
countries
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(
Malaysia
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 and
Indonesia
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) increased sharply to reach 74% and just over 50% respectively until 2020, when
Malaysia
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 became the nation
had
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with had
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 largest
percentage
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 of
city
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 residents
following
Wrong verb form
followed
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 by the second
one-
Correct your spelling
one India
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Indonesia
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend pattern is predicted to continue until 2040, by
then
Linking Words
, the proportion of
Malaysia
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 will reach over 80% and that of
Indonesia
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 will reach just above 60%. The trend of the
percentage
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urban residents in Thailand and
Correct article usage
the Philipphines
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Philipphines
Correct your spelling
Philippines
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 illustrates relatively slower growth between 1970 and 2040 with
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 fluctuation from 1980 to 2010. The Philippines’s
population
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 in
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
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 area represented 32% in 1970, which means
that
Linking Words
is
Verb problem
it was
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 the largest
percentage
Use synonyms
 among all four
countries
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 that time. Though it witnessed
a
Remove the article
apply
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significant growth and peaked at just below 50% between 1980 to 1990, it began to decline over the next two decades
and
Correct word choice
apply
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followed by a prediction
in
Change preposition
of
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gradual
Correct article usage
a gradual
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increasing
Replace the word
increase
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 to reach 53%
until
Change preposition
by
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 2040. The ratio of
city
Use synonyms
population
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 in Thailand remains stable growth over
70-year
Add an article
a 70-year
show examples
 period, though it can be seen that the number is expected to be
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 smallest one by 2040.
Submitted by odongua on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, countries, city, percentage, malaysia, indonesia with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • Asian countries
  • living in cities
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • introduction
  • overview
  • trend
  • body paragraph
  • compare
  • predicted percentages
  • summarize
  • closing statement
What to do next:
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