The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
The line graph illustrates and gives a projection
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
the fluctuations of the urban
population
in four Southeast Asian
countries
between 1970 and 2040.
Overall
, the proportion of the
city
populace in all four
countries
growing
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
steadily over
70-year
Add an article
a 70-year
show examples
period,
while
the
percentage
of Philippines'
city
residents had witnessed
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
fluctuation before 2010. It can be seen that the figure for
urban
Add an article
the urban
show examples
population
in
Malaysia
and
Indonesia
grew rapidly between 1970 and 2020, and it is projected to grow steadily until 2040. In 1970,
Malaysia
had 30% of people
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
in urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
,
whereas
Indonesia
had only 13% of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
. From that year, the ratio in these two
countries
(
Malaysia
and
Indonesia
) increased sharply to reach 74% and just over 50% respectively until 2020, when
Malaysia
became the nation
had
Change preposition
with had
show examples
largest
percentage
of
city
residents
following
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
by the second
one-
Correct your spelling
one India
show examples
Indonesia
.
Furthermore
,
this
trend pattern is predicted to continue until 2040, by
then
, the proportion of
Malaysia
will reach over 80% and that of
Indonesia
will reach just above 60%. The trend of the
percentage
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urban residents in Thailand and
Correct article usage
the Philipphines
show examples
Philipphines
Correct your spelling
Philippines
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
illustrates relatively slower growth between 1970 and 2040 with
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
fluctuation from 1980 to 2010. The Philippines’s
population
in
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
area represented 32% in 1970, which means
that
is
Verb problem
it was
show examples
the largest
percentage
among all four
countries
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
that time. Though it witnessed
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
significant growth and peaked at just below 50% between 1980 to 1990, it began to decline over the next two decades
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
followed by a prediction
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
gradual
Correct article usage
a gradual
show examples
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
to reach 53%
until
Change preposition
by
show examples
2040. The ratio of
city
population
in Thailand remains stable growth over
70-year
Add an article
a 70-year
show examples
period, though it can be seen that the number is expected to be
a
Change the article
the
show examples
smallest one by 2040.
Submitted by odongua on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, countries, city, percentage, malaysia, indonesia with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 4 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • Asian countries
  • living in cities
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • introduction
  • overview
  • trend
  • body paragraph
  • compare
  • predicted percentages
  • summarize
  • closing statement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: