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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the chart below shows the percentage of household in owned and rented accomodation in Enhland and Wales between 1918 and 2011

the chart below shows the percentage of household in owned and rented accomodation in Enhland and Wales between 1918 and 2011
#percentage #household #accomodation #enhland #wales
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The bar
chat
Correct your spelling
chart
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 compares and contrasts the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of two types
Change preposition
of accomodation
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accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 which are owned and rented in England and Wales from 1918 and 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
households
Use synonyms
 in owned
accommodation
Use synonyms
 had increased
fluctuatelly
Correct your spelling
fluctuate
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
households
Use synonyms
 in rented
accommodation
Use synonyms
 had declined
exception
Replace the word
except
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of
Change preposition
for
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 two years during
this
Linking Words
 period. In 1918, there was a huge difference between
households
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
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owned and rented,
while
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of rented
approximately
Add a missing verb
was approximately
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 75%, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of owned
just
Add a missing verb
was just
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 about 25%.
Then
Linking Words
 coming to 1939 and 1953 which had nearly the same
percentage
Use synonyms
 ,
this
Linking Words
 interval
was diminish
Wrong verb form
diminished
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,
rented
Add an article
the rented
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 rate became almost 70% and
owned
Correct article usage
the owned
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 rate
icreased
Correct your spelling
increased
 to
approximate
Change the word
approximately
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 30%. The differences
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
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continiued
Correct your spelling
continued
closed
Change the verb form
to close
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, in 1971, it equated
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 50%.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 time,
while
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
households
Use synonyms
 in owned
accommodation
Use synonyms
 increased to 60%,
rented
Correct article usage
the rented
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 house rate fell to 40%. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
households
Use synonyms
 in rented
accommodation
Use synonyms
 remained the same
percentage
Use synonyms
 which was at about 30% in 1991 and 2001 but
then
Linking Words
 it increased slightly to 40% in 2011. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
households
Use synonyms
 in owned
accommodation
Use synonyms
 was almost 60% in 2011.
Submitted by ilknurkaradmn on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, households, accommodation with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 11 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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