In many countries, parents are deciding to have children later in their lives. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Despite the fact that delivering babies at a younger
age
may correspond
Verb problem
result
to
Change preposition
in
healthier
and smarter next generation, I believe the benefits of giving birth later override the drawbacks.
Scientifically, human beings transfer the best genetic materials to their Correct article usage
a healthier
offsprings
when they are at their golden Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
age
. When we age
, our metablism
rate slows down, leading to a slower replacement of deteriorated cells. Throughout Correct your spelling
metabolism
this
journey, our accumulated improverised
genes may pass to Correct your spelling
improvised
impoverished
our
next generation. It is Change the word
the
also
widely observed that the babies of older women are more likely to inherit genetic diseases, such
as ADHD.
However
, the well-beings
of Correct your spelling
well-being
our
next generation should not Change the word
the
predominant
Add a missing verb
be predominant
our
Change preposition
in our
life
decisions. At the end
of the day, everyone lives their lives once. Nurturing a baby is a huge commitment and responsibility which often occupies most of our time. Having a baby in
a later stage of their lives Change preposition
at
enable
parents to achieve their own Correct subject-verb agreement
enables
life
aspirations before being overloaded by parenthood tasks. Most of the successful models are without babies or even family
at their young Fix the agreement mistake
families
age
as well
, Rephrase
apply
for
example
Elon Musk, Bill Gates and many others.
Except Add the comma(s)
example,
respecting
individual Change preposition
for respecting
life
choices, only with financial stability and fertility, parents can then
support the growth of their children. We often hear that the total expenditure of a child is at least 40 million dollars. How can a young adolescent earn Rephrase
apply
this
enormous amount of money at his
early stage of Change the word
the
career
to sufficiently support his family?
In conclusion, having children Correct pronoun usage
his career
in
a more mature Change preposition
at
age
is contributing
Wrong verb form
contributes
to
more merits than giving birth Change preposition
apply
in
a younger Change preposition
at
age
. With technological advancement, I believe we may even overcome most of the barriers that come alongside nurturing children in a later stage of life
soon
.Rephrase
apply
Submitted by ardentpicks on
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coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow between ideas by using a variety of conjunctions and cohesive devices to enhance the connection between paragraphs and sentences.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states the topic and your position. Similarly, the conclusion should reiterate your position and provide a summary of the main points discussed.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points with more specific and clear supporting examples. Avoid general statements and strive to give relevant details that directly relate to the essay's argument.
task achievement
Expand on the ideas presented in the essay by addressing the task more fully. Cover both sides of the argument equally and ensure the position taken is clear throughout the response.
task achievement
Clarify and expand upon ideas with comprehensive explanations and relevant examples. Aim to create a balance between discussing advantages and disadvantages to fulfill the task requirements.
task achievement
Include relevant, specific examples that highlight the argument and add substance to the positions taken within the essay. This enriches the response and shows a depth of understanding.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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