IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

As the demand for oil and gas continues to rise, there is a growing need to explore these energy sources in remote locations. Do you believe the benefits of exploiting these areas outweigh the drawbacks of causing environmental damage? 4.5

#demand #oil #gas #rise #energy #sources #locations #areas #damage
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that more remote
areas
 should be exploited to explore deposits of oil and gas as the demand for these energy sources is constantly growing.
Although
 the exploration can be done easily as the
locations
 are not yet developed, I believe that the drawback of destroying the natural habitats of wildlife outweighs the benefits. On the one hand, most rural
areas
 are undeveloped, making it easier to exploit these
locations
 for energy sources. Many mining companies choose remote
locations
 to dig not only because there is a higher chance of finding oil and gas deposits but
also
 because they do not affect any populated
areas
. Most of the time, developing these
areas
 does not conflict with existing city development plans, making large-scale excavation easier.
Furthermore
, there is not much cleanup required after the exploration, which
further
 reduces the
overall
 costs.
However
,
although
 people are not directly affected by the exploitation, there are detrimental effects on the lives of local wildlife. Remote
areas
 often
harbor
Change the spelling
harbour
show examples
 a wide diversity of species
due to
 the absence of human intervention. But if their natural habitats are disturbed by the introduction of excavation machinery, the animals can lose their homes and even face extinction.
For instance
, research has found that African lions lose their habitats for hunting and living
due to
 pollution resulting from exploitation activities.
As a result
, they are now listed as endangered species. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the benefits of easier exploitation in remote
locations
 do not outweigh the devastating effects on wildlife.
Submitted by jackcityone on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay did not fully address all parts of the task and failed to provide an extensive development of ideas. Enhance the response by elaborating on the potential benefits and the implications of environmental damage in more depth.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating a clearer and more logical structure that naturally flows from one point to the next. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and more varied sentence structures to better link your ideas and paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: