IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think that school time should be used in learning important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #students #study #science #food #school #time #subjects
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Whether studying
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Studying
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 the
science
 of
food
 has been a controversial topic. On
face
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the face
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 of it, the advantages seem apparent, but could there be a downside of it? The following paragraphs outline the argument for and against the courses related
o
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to
show examples
food
. One of the main arguments in favour of the trend is that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 could gain more understanding about
nutritional
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the nutritional
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 value
about
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of
show examples
food
 helping them achieve a healthy balanced diet. With a more comprehensive knowledge
about
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of
show examples
science
Add an article
the science
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 of
food
, students could be able to know the intake of
nutrient
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nutrients
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such
 as
carbohydrate
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carbohydrates
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,
protein
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proteins
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 and
fat
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fats
show examples
 accurately.
In addition
 to it, by cooking the
food
 in culinary
lesson
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lessons
show examples
, healthy cooking
method
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methods
show examples
 could be picked up. Students could apply it in daily life at any time In short, there is a growing trend of
leaning
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learning
show examples
preparation
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the preparation
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 of
food
 by acquiring the
science
 behind
of
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apply
show examples
food
.
Nevertheless
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Nevertheless,
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 it is generally accepted that only spending time on
science
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the science
show examples
 of
food
 would be boring owing to the limited interaction with
counterpart
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the counterpart
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. There is a tendency to believe that group communication in in learning
science
 of
food
 is inadequate. Unlike
sport
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sports
show examples
, all team members have to perform cohesively in order to achieve the common goal, which could be hardly observed in acquiring
skill
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skills
show examples
 in
science
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the science
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 of
food
. studying the
science
 of
food
 has its benefits and downsides. It is expected that
science
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the science
show examples
 of
food
 will continue to be a popular option on the grounds that students gain a deeper understanding of
food
 and end up adopting a healthy diet
their
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in their
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 later
stage
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stages
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. I am of the strong opinion that the
advantage
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advantages
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 of learning
other subject
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another subject
other subjects
show examples
such
 as
sport
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sports
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 outweigh
its drawback
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their drawbacks
show examples
.
Due to
increase
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the increase
show examples
 in exposure
of
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to
show examples
 learning communication skills and teamwork spirit, these valuable skills would be a lifelong ability
applying
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to apply
show examples
 in
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
 circle.
Submitted by ericliu200710 on

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Task Achievement
Regarding task response, make sure your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Although you've mentioned both views and your own opinion, you could have developed them more thoroughly with clearer and more comprehensive explanations. Additionally, providing more specific examples to support your points would have strengthened your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, while the logical structure of your essay is somewhat recognizable, transitions between paragraphs and ideas could be smoother. Try using a variety of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the essay as a whole is coherent. Your introduction and conclusion are present, but consider making your conclusion stronger by summarizing your points more effectively and restating your opinion more clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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