IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that girls and boys benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss these two views and give your opinion.

#people #boys #girls #schools #benefit #two
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in
this
Linking Words
 era, education is the first concern for everyone, especially for the parents. Pros and cons of system education are many argued in the socialize. Some people say girls and boys are better when their parents select separate
schools
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 for them but other people say mixed
schools
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 are more
benefits
Replace the word
beneficial
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. On the one hand, different
genders
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schools
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 will cut down on bullying about sexuality, as
same gender
Add a hyphen
same-gender
show examples
, students only interact with their
genders
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 and they know what they cannot with their friends. In my opinion, different
genders
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schools
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 have a good choice when the parents need a special system for their children and they are not worried about sexual bullying because it is the minimum number of cases in the different
genders
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schools
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.
Hence
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 sexual harassment cases will be reduced.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, mixed
schools
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 are familiarly in public because the school gives a
challeng
Correct your spelling
challenge
 for the children when they collaborate with young females and males. They will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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play, have a conversation and share about their activities in school or in their houses.
Thus
Linking Words
 they will be confident in front of the other
genders
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. In my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 mixed
schools
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 will
make
Verb problem
give
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 students strong personality because they through
a studies
Correct the article-noun agreement
studies
a study
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with
Change preposition
in
show examples
hard
Correct article usage
a hard
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 environment in mixed
schools
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. In conclusion, separate
schools
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 and mixed
schools
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 have the same goal to
gives
Wrong verb form
give
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 the best education for children,
although
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 with
a different systems
Correct the article-noun agreement
different systems
a different system
show examples
. Two
genders
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 will grow up with their experience in
schools
Use synonyms
 or society and they will do it based on what they learned.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Structure
Consider expanding your introduction by clearly outlining the points you intend to cover, and concluding with a precise statement that not only reiterates your stance but also summarizes both views quickly.
Coherence
Use a wider range of linking devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, ensuring logical progression of ideas.
Support
Ensure all main points are well-developed with clear, specific examples and explanations. Avoid overgeneralized statements.
Task Completion
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that both sides of the argument are discussed equally before giving your own opinion. Make your position more prominent throughout the essay.
Grammar
Be cautious of grammar and punctuation errors which may hinder the clarity of your arguments - proofread your work carefully.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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