Some people think that illegal Internet downloads are having a negative effect on the music industry. Others feel that they have little or no impact on artists. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

To begin
with,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
who
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
illegal
music
downloads in
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
cause of negative effect on the
music
industry.
For instance
, most of the
singer
spend
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
time and pay lots of
money
on their
music
album or record of
music
for
a
Change the article
an
show examples
unbelievable product.
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
illegal
music
downloads are similar to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
thief
Add an article
a thief
the thief
show examples
. On the other
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
hands
Add a comma
hands,
show examples
many
singer
earn incalculable
money
thanks to their concert.
This
singer
or
musician
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a low opinion
while
some
people
downloads
Change the verb form
download
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their
music
on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
illegal
Change the word
illegally
show examples
. Because they earn lots of
money
already
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
if their
music
are
listening
Wrong verb form
listened
show examples
by to other
people
, they have a wide range
admirer
Change preposition
of admirer
show examples
. Oppose to
this
,
although
the
people
who
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
dowloads
Correct your spelling
downloads
download
music
on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
via
Change preposition
apply
show examples
illegal
Change the word
illegally
show examples
may
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
of positive effect on the
music
industry.
For example
, many
people
use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
various
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
such
as
spotify
Change the capitalization
Spotify
show examples
, applemusic,
soundclouds
Correct your spelling
SoundCloud
Soundcloud
sound clouds
or
fizy
Change the capitalization
Fizy
show examples
.
This
applications
Fix the agreement mistake
application
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
not working if you arent
subscriber
Correct article usage
a subscriber
show examples
, so
subscribe
Wrong verb form
subscribing
show examples
is
obligation
Add an article
an obligation
the obligation
show examples
in
this
application.
For
this
reason when
people
listen to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
show examples
they
enrty
Correct your spelling
enjoy
these application
Change the determiner
this application
these applications
show examples
and they to be subscribe.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
singer
or
musician
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
to pay lots of
money
for their
music
advertisement unless
no body
Correct your spelling
nobody
show examples
know
Change the verb form
knows
show examples
this
singer
.
İf
Correct your spelling
If
people
downlads their
music
on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
,
this
singer
or
musician
easily
Add a missing verb
is easily
show examples
recognisable.
Contrately
Correct your spelling
Contrary
to
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
some
people
think that illegal
music
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
little or no impact on
artist
Add an article
the artist
show examples
but sometimes,
people
download illegal
music
before
Correct article usage
the music
show examples
music
Change noun form
music's
show examples
release date
besides
they share
on
Correct pronoun usage
it on
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their social media.
This
problem is
seriously
Correct article usage
a seriously
show examples
big problem for
musician
Fix the agreement mistake
musicians
show examples
or
singer
Fix the agreement mistake
singers
show examples
. In my opinion, singers spend a lot of effort into making
music
and
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
disrespectful to easily
dowload
Correct your spelling
download
them illegally.
Submitted by dytayseozgul on

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and coherent structure. Introductions and conclusions should be clearly distinguishable, and paragraphs need to have central topics followed by explanations or examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
Logical connectors and appropriate paragraphing are necessary for the smooth flow of ideas. Using signaling words can enhance clarity and cohesion.
Task Achievement
The response is somewhat repetitive and tangential at times. To improve task achievement, make sure each paragraph directly addresses the task with new ideas, examples, and related argumentation.
Task Achievement
It's important to elaborate on points with clear comprehensive ideas and specific examples. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea with clarifying details.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • illegal downloads
  • financial losses
  • record labels
  • decrease in sales
  • perception
  • undermine
  • upcoming artists
  • pirated
  • exposure
  • concert attendance
  • merchandise sales
  • alternative revenue streams
  • live performances
  • sponsorships
  • streaming platforms
  • business models
  • loyal fan base
  • adapt
  • mitigate
  • thrive
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