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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007.

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007.
#carbon #dioxide #emissions #person #kingdom #sweden
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The given line graph illustrates the average amount of
carbon
Use synonyms
dioxide
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emissions
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, which was produced
by
Change preposition
apply
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per person in 3 different countries in a 40-year period.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 Italy and Portugal witnessed an upward trend in the number of produced
carbon
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dioxide
Use synonyms
, the
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
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of
Change preposition
for
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 the UK and Sweden decreased over
a
Correct article usage
the
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 period shown. It was
also
Linking Words
 noticeable that
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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 always had the most
carbon
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dioxide
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 discharged from 1967 to 2007. First of all, from 1967 to 2007, the amount of
carbon
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dioxide
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emissions
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 in the UK reduced steadily, with about 2
tonnes
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 reduction.
Nextly
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Next
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, the figure
of
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for
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 Sweden fluctuated through 40 years, from more than 8
tonnes
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 in 1967 to roughly 6
tonnes
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 in 2007, ranking third with Portugal.
On
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In
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 contrast, Italy and Portugal
was
Change the verb form
were
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 the only two countries
that
Correct word choice
where
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 the number of
carbon
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dioxide
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emissions
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 increased after 40 years. Specifically, in 1967, Italy produced about 4
tonnes
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Use synonyms
Change preposition
of emissions
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emissions
Change preposition
of emissions
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,
however
Linking Words
, after 40 years, that number was up to approximately 8
tonnes
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, twice as high as that of Italy in 1967. It
also
Linking Words
 became the second biggest country discharging
carbon
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dioxide
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.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the average
emissions
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 of Portugal climbed considerably, at 4
tonnes
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 throughout the period shown. Despite
used to be
Verb problem
being at
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 the bottom of the list, the figure of Portugal came in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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third place in 2007, sharing with that of Sweden.
Submitted by anhquynhkth06 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words carbon, dioxide, emissions, tonnes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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