IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Should private schools receive government funding? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#schools #government
It is general acceptance that
education
 is crucial for human beings. Provide quality
education
,
Schools
 play a more important role in facilitating a suitable environment for children.
This
 includes private
schools
 which is a great option for many parents sending their children to effective
schools
. So, from my point of view, private
schools
 need to get support from the
government
. In
this
 essay, I will provide my reason in the following paragraphs. To initiate with the first reason, a lot of private
schools
 have to stop
business
due to
 their lack of resources in order to run their school.
Therefore
, a number of
students
 have lost the opportunity to constantly study. In
this
 case, the
government
 should encourage private
schools
 not only for
business
 but
also
 for the benefit of many
students
.
For example
, Several private
schools
 in my province need to quit their
business
.
As a result
, a multitude of
students
 have to seek for new school in a short time.
This
 can cause problems for parents. The second reason, the
government
 should provide aid for private
schools
 because
this
 is one part of taking care of the population. In terms of
education
, the
government
 has more burdens and responsibilities to contribute effectively to
education
 for all children. There are more private
schools
 to help the
government
.
This
 can bring an advantage to the nation.
For instance
, In remote areas, there are no
schools
.
This
 is a good chance for private
schools
 to establish new
schools
 for numerous
students
. In conclusion, I fully support that the
government
 should provide funding to private
schools
. For two reasons namely, private
schools
 can run
business
 continuity for the benefit of
students
.
In addition
, in order to help and decrease the burden of the
government
.
Submitted by mahawichet on

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Coherence and Cohesion
When constructing paragraphs, ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that directly relate to the main argument, and finish with a concluding sentence that reinforces the main point.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction of your essay should clearly present the topic to be discussed. Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the points made and restates your thesis, without adding new arguments or details.
Task Achievement
Include more developed and elaborated ideas, provide a wider range of sentence structures, and be sure arguments are well-supported with strong reasoning and clear examples. Make an effort to address the task more completely by covering all aspects of the prompt in an appropriate level of depth.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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