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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentageof volunteers by organizations in 2008 and 2014.

The charts below show the percentageof volunteers by organizations in 2008 and 2014.
#show #percentageof #volunteers #organizations
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The pie chart gives data related to
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of volunteers based on organization types in 2008 and 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, some categories
such
Linking Words
 as
Enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 and Art
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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declined over the period
while
Linking Words
Enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 and Others categories
indicates
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indicate
show examples
 an
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, Educational
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the highest percentage of volunteers by group with 24% in 2008. Six years later, the proportion of it showed a drop from 24% to 17%.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the data for Art members
also
Linking Words
had shown
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 a decline
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 6%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, environmental
activist
Fix the agreement mistake
activists
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 shared an increase in the percentage from 21% in 2008 to 29% in 2014. In 2014, Health Care displayed a
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
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 increase at around 8% which is 1% higher than
percentage
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the percentage
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 in 2008.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, a significant
rose
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rise
show examples
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
was also
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 witnessed in
sport team
Fix the agreement mistake
sports teams
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 that involved 10% in 2014 compared to 15% involvement in 2008.
Dispite
Correct your spelling
Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
show examples
,
Others
Correct article usage
the Others
show examples
 category showed a drop from 15% to 9% in 2014.
Submitted by ryanrush16 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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