Some people believe that the best way to teach children to behave well is through punishment, others disagree and point out that rewarding and praising them is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #children #punishment #point

Some people argue that imposing disciplinary action is the most effective way to teach offspring to act appropriately,

while

others oppose

this

idea and believe that applauding and rewarding is good. On one hand, punishment plays a vital role in shaping young

children

to behave in a correct manner for the reason that it can provide immediate consequences for their

misbehavior

Change the spelling

misbehaviour

show examples

For instance

, removing certain privileges that the

children

enjoy when they do not follow the rules of society.

Thus

, we can make them understand the consequences of their actions and motivate them to make better choices in the future.

On the other hand

, those who believe that rewarding and praising are more good may be

due to

the fact that

children

have different understandings and learning styles. Many

children

are encouraged to do good things when they are commended for a job well done.

While

some are more motivated when somebody gives them gifts. An example of

this

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

is when you treat them to watch their

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

movies or eat outside and play afterwards.

Thus

Correct your spelling

This

show examples

will drive them to keep

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

up with their learning process and

engaged

Wrong verb form

engage

show examples

in more activities

that

Change the verb form

are

show examples

acceptable in

todays

Change to a genitive case

today's

show examples

society. In conclusion, punishment can help

children

to be

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

better

individual

Fix the agreement mistake

individuals

show examples

become

Correct word choice

and become

show examples

wise in

decision making

Add a hyphen

decision-making

show examples

While

giving rewards and praise will give them

motivation

Change the article

the motivation

show examples

to keep going in acceptable ways.

Submitted by joydv88 on Wed Dec 06 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present

Ensure the introduction and conclusion are fully developed and clearly present the essay's main argument and summarised viewpoints. In this essay, more effort could be made in synthesising these components to anchor the discussion solidly.

logical structure

The essay displays a decent level of coherence and cohesion, but transitions between ideas can be made smoother. More varied connectives and clearer topic sentences could help with fluidity and the logical structure of the argument.

supported main points

Your main points are generally supported but could benefit from more elaborate and nuanced examples. Consider using more specific and detailed illustrations to substantiate your arguments and enhance the essay's persuasive power.

complete response

While the response addresses the task and presents ideas on both views as well as a personal stance, the response could be developed further. The essay would benefit from a clearer, more comprehensive exploration of the reasoning behind both viewpoints, providing a more in-depth analysis of the topic at hand.

clear comprehensive ideas

Your ideas are clear but need more development to be truly comprehensive. Delve deeper into the reasoning behind each viewpoint, and work on presenting a more nuanced discussion. Convey your thoughts in a way that demonstrates a higher level of understanding and critical engagement with the topic.

relevant specific examples

While some relevant examples are provided, aim to integrate more varied and specific instances to support your arguments. Tailor these examples to directly reflect upon and emphasize the points being made, enhancing the overall relevance and clarity of your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

229 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

Behavioral norms
Social boundaries
Consequences
Resentment
Positive reinforcement
Approval
Extrinsic motivation
Intrinsic motivation
Consistency
Clear communication
Psychological research
Practical outcomes
Discipline
Nurturing
Behavioral psychology
Operant conditioning
Constructive criticism

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The question about right age to get married still remain unanswered and controversial to answer, after several decades of research and scientific advancement. The government bodies has set the minimum age of 18 to get married, but one part of society believes that it should be moved to 21 and I am going to advocate it.
6.5
band
An increasing number of people of all ages are getting information from electronic products, and some people tend to argue printed books as well as magazines are no longer needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Unquestionably, the majority of information today is kept online, rather than in actual books as it was once. As a result, the validity of physical books has been called into question.In contrast, I believe printed books will continue to) serve a crucial function in our lives and society that cannot be replaced.
4.5
band
Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree.
The main focus of school it should be only in academic and examnination without another skills such as cooking, dressmaking and woodwork because these skill was a role of family. From my point of view I agree in this idea with many reasons,described in the following paraagraph.
8
band
Some people prefer to be in the same kind of job their entire life, but others like to change their jobs frequently. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
A lot of people stick to one kind of job position their entire lives, while others prefer to experience a wide range of occupations. From my perspective, I firmly agree with the former opinion of staying in the same career.
6.5
band
Some people think the government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The concept of funding science education rather than other subjects is given significant importance, largely influenced by the aspiration for societal progression. Considering the evident benefits of social well-being at both material and moral levels, I totally agree with this thought.

Some people believe that the best way to teach children to behave well is through punishment, others disagree and point out that rewarding and praising them is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Your opinion

Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

An increasing number of people of all ages are getting information from electronic products, and some people tend to argue printed books as well as magazines are no longer needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree.

Some people prefer to be in the same kind of job their entire life, but others like to change their jobs frequently. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think the government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?