IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph illustrates the proportion of tourists to England who attended four different attractions in Brighton.

The line graph illustrates the proportion of tourists to England who attended four different attractions in Brighton.
The line graph compares and contrasts the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
tourists
Use synonyms
 to England who visited
Bringhton
Correct your spelling
Brighton
attaractions
Correct your spelling
attractions
 between 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 preference
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
pavilion
Fix the agreement mistake
pavilions
show examples
 and
pier
Fix the agreement mistake
piers
show examples
 increased slightly, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
tourists
Use synonyms
 who
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 to visit art
gallery
Fix the agreement mistake
galleries
show examples
 declined during
this
Linking Words
 period. The
less
Replace the word
least
show examples
 interest among these four attractions was
pier
Add an article
the pier
show examples
 in 1980 with 10% and
then
Linking Words
 it
Verb problem
apply
show examples
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
show examples
fluctuate
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
show examples
 until 2000. It doubled from 2000 to 2010,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 portion of visited pier was about 20%. In 1980, the proportion of
tourists
Use synonyms
 who
attented
Correct your spelling
attended
pavilion
Correct article usage
the pavilion
show examples
 was approximately 25%, it reached the top with almost 50% which was the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of all of them.
However
Linking Words
, it declined to 30% in 2000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the proportion of
tourists
Use synonyms
 who visited
festival
Correct article usage
the festival
show examples
 remained
steadily
Change the word
steady
show examples
 during
this
Linking Words
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
 almost 30%. Whilst the
preferences'
Change noun form
percentage of
show examples
 people who visited art
gallery
Fix the agreement mistake
galleries
show examples
 was approximately 20%, it increased dramatically
almost
Change preposition
by almost
show examples
 40% in 1985 and
then
Linking Words
 it
halfed
Correct your spelling
doubled
 again in 1990. Until 2010,
this
Linking Words
percentage
Use synonyms
contiuned
Correct your spelling
continued
continues
 to decline slowly and it was above 10%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, tourists with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • tourists
  • attractions
  • trends
  • popularity
  • seasonal variations
  • attendance figures
  • locality
  • predicting
  • data analysis
  • fluctuations
  • peak season
  • decline
  • increment
  • steady
  • plummet
  • surge
  • stagnate
  • benchmark
  • correlate
What to do next:
Look at other essays: