Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #services

In our society, government investments are of the utmost importance. Distributing and spending the budget among different areas has to be done wisely. It is agreed that governments must invest

this

budget in public services

instead

of arts. Analysing how spending money

Change preposition

show examples

public services may

imporve

Correct your spelling

improve

population's

Correct article usage

the population's

show examples

quality

life

Change preposition

of life

show examples

as well as

contrasting the way basic services will help every component of it whilst arts might benefit just a few, will support

this

idea.

Submitted by gerunch on Wed Dec 06 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction presents a clear opinion, which is a good start to the essay. However, you could improve by developing a thesis statement that gives an indication of how your argument will unfold. This helps prepare the reader for the flow of your ideas.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay requires improvement. Be sure to use clear and logical transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Each paragraph should contain one main idea that is clearly developed with supporting points and examples.

coherence cohesion

It's important to include both an introduction and a conclusion. While your essay begins with an introductory statement, a conclusion summarizing your argument is missing. Ensure that your essay is complete with both components to better guide the reader through your argument.

task achievement

You have made a start on fulfilling the task by stating an opinion and beginning to develop an argument. However, you need to fully respond to the task by developing your points in greater detail. Clarify your main ideas and support them with concrete examples or data to strengthen your argument.

task achievement

Develop clear and comprehensive ideas by fully explaining your reasons for your opinion and how these connect to the topic at hand. This could include discussing the potential benefits of public services versus the arts or addressing potential counterarguments.

task achievement

Your essay lacks specific examples to support the argument. Use relevant, specific examples to make your points more persuasive. Detailed examples allow readers to better understand and relate to your perspective, increasing the effectiveness of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

75 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

cultural enrichment
expression of creativity
promote diversity
enhance social cohesion
boost tourism
job creation
stimulate economic growth
improve quality of life
essential services
maintenance and development

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
TASK 1 the process below shows how drinking water is made using solar power.
The picture depicts the cycle of producing healthy drinking water by using photovoltaic panels with optimized renewable energy. Overall, there are three steps involved, which include energy transformation, water process, and generating proper water to drink.
5.5
band
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an age oh population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits of society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays average lifespan was highly increased and people now live longer than they used to. It is evident that elderly people can be a problem for the government, but at the same time society can benefit from an ageing population. Nevertheless, merits of having an older population definitely outweigh demerits.
<4
band
Nowadays young people know less about traditions and culture than in the past. What are the reasons for it? Is this a positive development or a negative development?
Regarding to the modern globalization era nowadays, it is commonly observed that young generations have less knowledge about their valauble nation's traditions and culture compared to older generations in the past. Although this phenomenon is debatable on society whether it is a positive or a negative, I strongly believe that this is a negative trends.
7
band
In some parts of the world, many famous people are regarded as ‘role models’ and they are having an increasing influence on the young. Is that a positive or negative development
In contemporary society, there are just dozens of prominent people who are considered role models, and day by day, they are having a great influence on adolescents. Many young people are trying to copy their lives, so they just forget about themselves, but there are some really good people who can be real role models for youngsters.
8.5
band
You recently bought some train tickets for a journey a week in advance. When you went to the station to catch the train, you were told you could not use the tickets and the staff were very unhelpful to you. Write a letter to the train company. In your letter - describe the problem you had with the tickets - say why were unhappy with the staff - suggest what action the train company should take
I am writing to inform you of the inconvenience that happened to me at the Big Bang train station. I bought my ticket from your website last week before my journey. On April 15th when I got to the gate in order to print my ticket, I was told my ticket was cancelled due to a system error and I was not informed. I had an important meeting to attend, and there was not any free seat on the next train.

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

TASK 1 the process below shows how drinking water is made using solar power.

Nowadays young people know less about traditions and culture than in the past. What are the reasons for it? Is this a positive development or a negative development?

In some parts of the world, many famous people are regarded as ‘role models’ and they are having an increasing influence on the young. Is that a positive or negative development