Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

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In our society, government investments are of the utmost importance. Distributing and spending the budget among different areas has to be done wisely. It is agreed that governments must invest
this
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budget in public services
instead
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of arts. Analysing how spending money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
public services may
imporve
Correct your spelling
improve
population's
Correct article usage
the population's
show examples
quality
life
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of life
show examples
,
as well as
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contrasting the way basic services will help every component of it whilst arts might benefit just a few, will support
this
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idea.
Submitted by gerunch on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction presents a clear opinion, which is a good start to the essay. However, you could improve by developing a thesis statement that gives an indication of how your argument will unfold. This helps prepare the reader for the flow of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay requires improvement. Be sure to use clear and logical transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Each paragraph should contain one main idea that is clearly developed with supporting points and examples.
coherence cohesion
It's important to include both an introduction and a conclusion. While your essay begins with an introductory statement, a conclusion summarizing your argument is missing. Ensure that your essay is complete with both components to better guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You have made a start on fulfilling the task by stating an opinion and beginning to develop an argument. However, you need to fully respond to the task by developing your points in greater detail. Clarify your main ideas and support them with concrete examples or data to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas by fully explaining your reasons for your opinion and how these connect to the topic at hand. This could include discussing the potential benefits of public services versus the arts or addressing potential counterarguments.
task achievement
Your essay lacks specific examples to support the argument. Use relevant, specific examples to make your points more persuasive. Detailed examples allow readers to better understand and relate to your perspective, increasing the effectiveness of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
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