IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

is better for children if the whole family including aunts, uncles, and so on are involved in a child’s upbringing, rather than just their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
The
important
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importance
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 of repairing
children
Use synonyms
 which was always debatable has now become more controversial with many people
climing
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claiming
climbing
that is
Linking Words
benefeicial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
,s reject
this
Linking Words
nothion
Correct your spelling
notion
.The substantial
infulence
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influence
 of
this
Linking Words
 trend has sparked
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
controversy over the potential impact in
resent
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recent
show examples
 years. In my opinion, the
above stated
Add a hyphen
above-stated
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 proposition is
undoubtedle unrational
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undoubtedly irrational
.I strongly agree with that for many reasons.
Body paragraph 1
Analyzing the statement and explaining
further
Linking Words
 ,the first and foremost reason
behind
Change preposition
apply
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parents should
up bringing
Correct your spelling
upbringing
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 their
children
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 only is
maintain
Fix the infinitive
to maintain
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 family privacy.if family
members
Use synonyms
 take
every
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 to inter their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
saing
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teach
theit
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them
rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
show examples
 or
guding
Correct your spelling
guide
 their kids,they will
be
Verb problem
have
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 no sense of belonging.
As well as
Linking Words
 there is no best
diraction
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direction
 to lead
children
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 to go in
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
.That means
children
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 feel
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of distraction.
For example
Linking Words
 Den Queen
Use synonyms
one
Add a missing verb
is one
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 of the most outisim
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
,he grew up with all
family
Correct article usage
the family
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members
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Probing a head,
one
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 of the main
uderlaying
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underlying
underlaying
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 stems from the fact
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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children
Use synonyms
 learn bad
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. The key factor is
laying
Correct your spelling
lying
show examples
.In
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 kids who live in
crowded
Add an article
a crowded
show examples
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 with
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
guid
Correct your spelling
guide
,They can do what they want and put
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 habits
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 family
members
Use synonyms
. Moving
further
Linking Words
 it is pertinent to mention that
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 academic achievement.All
cuuses
Correct your spelling
causes
 of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 issues will
dissapear
Correct your spelling
disappear
 if parents train to
up bringing
Correct your spelling
upbringing
show examples
 without other family
members
Use synonyms
 .Apart from the reasons mentioned above ,it can be clearly stated
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why many are
agints
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agents
against
 of
this
Linking Words
 trend.
Conclusion
To
recapitulated
Change the form of the verb
recapitulate
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,
according to
Linking Words
 the arguments
aforemention
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aforementioned
 above ,
one
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 can
reash
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reach
 to
aconculsion
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conclusion
a conclusion
 that the benefits of
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bringing of
thire
Correct your spelling
their
 kids to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 their academic
achivement
Correct your spelling
achievement
 and to feel
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
 of belonging.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, with ideas presented in a somewhat disorganized manner. To improve, make sure to have a clear introduction, body paragraphs with individual ideas, and a conclusion that summarizes your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are not clearly defined, making it hard to understand the essay's argument. Ensure that your introduction presents the topic and your viewpoint clearly, and that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The main points of the essay are not supported with clear and relevant examples or explanations. To strengthen your essay, provide specific examples to support each point, and explain how they relate to your argument.
task achievement
The response does not address the prompt completely and lacks detail. For a higher score, ensure that your essay fully answers the question, providing a clear and comprehensive explanation of your views, and includes a detailed argument.
task achievement
Your ideas are somewhat unclear and not comprehensive. Strive to articulate your thoughts clearly and explain your reasoning in depth to allow the reader to follow your argument easily.
task achievement
The essay doesn't include relevant and specific examples to support the argument. To improve your score, use examples that are directly related to the topic to illustrate your points and help to reinforce your argument.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • upbringing
  • extended family
  • support network
  • emotional development
  • social development
  • cultural values
  • sense of identity
  • shared responsibilities
  • perspectives
  • role models
  • critical thinking
  • adaptability
  • diverse opinions
  • family traditions
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