IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that a person improves their intellectual skills more when doing group activities. To what extent do you agree. Use detailed examples to explain your view

#people #person #skills #group #activities
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For some
Correct word choice
Some
show examples
 people might think the act of getting involved in
mutil-
Correct your spelling
individual
individuals
Use synonyms
 activities mostly
focus
Correct subject-verb agreement
focuses
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 on the
advance
Replace the word
advancement
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 of our
intellectuals
Change noun form
intellectual's
intellectuals'
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ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
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. I completely disagree with
this
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 notion and the ground for my perspective shall be discussed in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, team games clearly require
individuals
Use synonyms
 to perform a diverse range of rapid mental calculations.
This
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 is because, in a sporting context, players must predict and anticipate possible actions within tight time constraints.
For example
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, a recent Cambridge
study
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 showed that soccer players can – within the span of seconds – calculate over a dozen different permutations that could result from a single soccer-related action.
Such
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 predictive powers clearly improve players' mental abilities and result from activities performed in a
group
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 context.
Secondly
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,
study
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 groups enable
individuals
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 to obtain information that they could not acquire in isolation.
This
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 is because peer feedback allows
individuals
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 to refine their understanding of concepts and to
also
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 learn new information from other members of the
study
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group
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.
For example
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, a
study
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 by The British Institute for Learning found that, if
individuals
Use synonyms
 participated in
study
Use synonyms
 groups, they had a far more objective and sophisticated understanding of a topic than learners who were not part of
study
Use synonyms
 groups.
Therefore
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, it is certainly the case that learning in a
group
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 improves an individual’s mental abilities. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the notion that
group
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 activities improve intellectual abilities. In the future, we will certainly see schools take greater measures to ensure that more
group
Use synonyms
-level cognition occurs in the classroom.
Submitted by caivankihh779 on

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Task Response
Ensure that your introduction provides a clear thesis statement that outlines your stance. Your position is clear, but the sentence structure can be improved for clarity. Consider rephrasing: 'Some people might think participating in group activities primarily enhances intellectual abilities, but I completely disagree. This essay will discuss the reasons for my perspective.'
Coherence and Cohesion
Your main ideas and examples are relevant and clearly presented. However, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, in the second paragraph, you could start with: 'Group activities, such as team sports, enhance quick decision-making skills.'
Coherence and Cohesion
Smooth transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader. Consider adding linking phrases such as 'Moreover' or 'Furthermore' to maintain a logical flow, especially between your main points.
Task Response
Your essay includes specific examples to support your arguments, such as the Cambridge study about soccer players and The British Institute for Learning study. This strengthens your argument significantly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with clear arguments and examples that are logically organized. You have effectively maintained focus on each paragraph's main idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • intellectual skills
  • group activities
  • collaborative learning
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • communication
  • interpersonal skills
  • diverse perspectives
  • creativity
  • individual study
  • personal reflection
  • autonomy
  • learning styles
  • approaches
What to do next:
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