is better for children if the whole family including aunts, uncles,and so on are involved in a child upbringing,rather than just their parents.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The importance of repairing offspring which was always debatable has now become more controversial with many people
climbing
that is beneficial Verb problem
claiming
While
others,s
reject Verb problem
apply
this
notion.The substantial influence of this
trend has sparked controversy over the
potential impact in recent years. In my opinion, the above-stated proposition is undoubtedly irrational.I strongly agree with that for many reasons.
Analyzing the statement and explaining Change the word
its
further
,the first and foremost reason parents should upbringing their offspring only is to maintain family privacy.if family meeting
take Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
everyoneone
to inter their lives and teach them rules or guide their kids,they will have no sense of belonging.Correct your spelling
everyone
As well as
there is no best direction to lead offspring to go in the right way.That means offspring feel a lack of distraction.For
example
Den Queen is Add a comma
example,
one
of the most outisim
people becauseCorrect your spelling
outstanding
,
he grew up with all the family Remove the comma
apply
show
.
Probing a head, Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
one
of the main underlying reasons stems from the fact that offspring learn bad behaviour. The key factor is lying.In fact, kids who live in a crowded homes
with different Correct the article-noun agreement
a crowded home
crowded homes
guide
,Fix the agreement mistake
guides
They
can do what they want and put these habits into Correct pronoun usage
apply
one
of their family meeting
. Moving Change to a plural noun
meetings
further
it is pertinent to mention that reduces academic achievement.All causes of these issues will disappear if parents train to upbringing without other family meeting
.Apart from the reasons mentioned above ,it can be clearly stated why many are against Change the wording
another family meeting
other family meetings
of
Change preposition
apply
this
trend.
To recapitulate, according to
the arguments aforementioned above ,one
can reach to conclusion that the benefits of bringing of
their kids to achieve their academic achievement and to feel a sense of belonging.Change preposition
apply
Submitted by zoozs606 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and does not follow a logical structure. Sentences are disjointed, with numerous grammatical errors that impede understanding. Transitions between ideas are often unclear or missing, resulting in a difficult to follow argument.
Task Achievement
The task is incomplete as the response does not adequately answer the question and fails to provide a reasoned argument supported by relevant examples. The position stated in the introduction is not consistently maintained throughout the essay.
Structure
The essay must be structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea with supporting sentences. Introduction should clearly state the writer's position. The conclusion should summarize the main points without introducing new information.
Development
Use topic sentences to clearly state the main idea of each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences with examples or explanations. Ensure paragraphs are thematically linked with appropriate transition words.
Supporting Examples
The essay provides no examples to support its claims, which is essential for a higher band score. Examples should be specific, relevant, and clearly linked to the argument being made.
Grammar & Accuracy
Reread and edit your essay to correct grammar, punctuation, and word choice errors. Use a mix of simple and complex sentences to convey your ideas more effectively. Maintain subject-verb agreement, and be consistent in tense usage.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite