IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their first training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country #first
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What we should do after
graduation
Correct article usage
the graduation
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 ceremony is it better to stay in our mother
country
Use synonyms
 or
leaving
Wrong verb form
leave
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 to achieve our goals
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 It is uncommon .
That in
Correct pronoun usage
In
show examples
 some
countries
Use synonyms
 after gratudation day Professions leave
there
Replace the word
their
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country
Use synonyms
 and begin a new
life
Use synonyms
 in
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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countries
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 action has several reasons but mainly the most important reason is money
.
Correct your spelling
Therefore
therefore
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 become opponents of
this
Linking Words
 action. on the other side,many others become
Correct article usage
a coponent
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coponent
Correct your spelling
component
 of
this
Linking Words
 action because they had financial problems .in
this
Linking Words
 essay , we review both views and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 give my personal belief in
conclusion
Add an article
the conclusion
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 .
To begin
Linking Words
 with , many
people
Use synonyms
 in undeveloped
countries
Use synonyms
 mostly have
this
Linking Words
 right to
educate
Wrong verb form
be educated
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 in
best
Correct article usage
the best
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 schools
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that
country
Use synonyms
 without paying money so who pays for
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 education the
answers
Fix the agreement mistake
answer
show examples
 is
tax
Correct your spelling
the
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 payers
.
Correct your spelling
Therefore
therefore
Linking Words
, these payers insist
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 that ;affluent
people
Use synonyms
 who studied engineering or general practititioners should stay in that
country
Use synonyms
 and pay tax and serve to
country
Use synonyms
 .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , many
people
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 have
desire
Correct article usage
a desire
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 to live in developed
countries
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 where they can have better
life
Use synonyms
 and better salary and
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 education system ,
in addition
Linking Words
 , they say if
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 work in my home
country
Use synonyms
 I will be broke for my
hole
Correct your spelling
whole
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 . I
leavied
Correct your spelling
levied
 my
Use synonyms
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
cause
Correct word choice
because
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I'm
Unnecessary verb
I
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 was afraid .
Im
Correct your spelling
I
 wasn't
Correct article usage
a
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traitor but if
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 stayed I were, they believe they lost once in
Use synonyms
life time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
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oppertuties
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 and they can't make it again. What
Add a missing verb
do i
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 prefer? I assume most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who leave
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 have liabilities and they should have the
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
for leaving
Change preposition
to leave
show examples
 and
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 in another
country
Use synonyms
 most of them have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 understanding than us they can help us towards unknown situations . take me as an example ; I emigrated to Canada one year ago now I become more dependent In my
life
Use synonyms
 and I have financial freedom I improved my
life
Use synonyms
 and
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
now I have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 understanding towards my goals.
Submitted by hoomajkzhomaei on

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coherence cohesion
The essay fails to provide a clear and logical structure. Ideas are presented in a disorganized manner, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present, but they lack clarity and are not well-developed. They need to be more specific in addressing the task prompt.
coherence cohesion
Main points are not effectively supported with relevant examples or detailed explanations. The essay needs to include more specific evidence that clearly connects to the arguments being presented.
task achievement
The response addresses the task only partially, with some elements of the prompt not fully covered. The essay should directly address all parts of the task to achieve a higher score.
task achievement
Ideas are somewhat clear but are not expressed comprehensively. The writer needs to work on fully explaining their points and argument to enhance understanding.
task achievement
While some examples are provided, they are not entirely relevant or specific enough to support the arguments. More pertinent examples and details should be included to strengthen the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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