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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achive anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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Giving
children
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 motivational messages is important. People often advise their
children
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 if they give their efforts to their aim hard enough they can achieve anything.
While
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this
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 situation has some benefits, there are
also
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 some drawbacks.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides. On
positive
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the positive
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 side,
this
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 message can instil a sense of self-confidence and motivation in
children
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. When they
encouraged
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are encouraged
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 to believe that they can achieve anything with enough determination and effort, they are more likely to cope with difficult tasks and setbacks.
This
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 can help them to
develep
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develop
 resilience and
growth
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a growth
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 mindset.
For instance
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, if a child wants to learn a new skill or participate in an activity that they are not yet proficient in, they may be more likely to try if they have the belief that they can eventually succeed with hard
work
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.
However
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, there are some potential drawbacks to
this
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 message. One
between
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of
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 them is,
it
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that it
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 may set unrealistic expectations, even if they are not given
necessary
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the necessary
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 resources or
oppurtunities
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opportunities
.
Additionally
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,if
children
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 are
constatly
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constantly
 told they can achieve anything through hard
work
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,
thay
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they
 may overlook the factors
such
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 as education, luck, privilege and social
structures
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structures'
structure's
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 role in success.
This
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 could result in feelings of frustration, self-blame, and demotivation if they
not
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do not
did not
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 achieve the outcomes they desire. In conclusion,
while
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 the message that
children
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 can achieve anything through hard
work
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 has its advantages
such
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 as building confidence and motivation, it is
also
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 important to consider the potential drawbacks
such
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 as self-blame and demotivation. It is hoped that parents and teachers would motivate young
children
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 to
work
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 hard but
also
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 take into consideration other factors that are important for success.

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coherence cohesion
It is important to ensure that all your paragraphs logically follow each other and that the ideas within them are fully expanded upon. Aim for a more clear and pronounced logical sequence of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essaystructure is satisfactory with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the introduction could be expanded upon to better set the stage for the argument. The conclusion does satisfactorily summarize the key points, but it could provide a stronger final thought on the matter.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and offers a complete response to the question. Nevertheless, the development of main ideas could be more elaborated by providing a wider range of supporting details.
task achievement
While the ideas presented are mostly clear and relevant, they need to be communicated with greater clarity and depth. Additional examples or evidence could be included to make the argument more compelling and comprehensive.
task achievement
Providing specific examples would significantly enhance your essay. Examples help illustrate your points and make your argument more concrete. Ensure that the examples provided are fully relevant and effectively back up your main points.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Perseverance
  • Resilience
  • Self-Esteem
  • Aspirations
  • Growth Mindset
  • Innate Ability
  • Unrealistic Expectations
  • Frustration
  • Disappointment
  • Pressure
  • Stress
  • Overwhelmed
  • Anxious
  • External Factors
  • Inherent Talents
  • Lofty Goals
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