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Band 3

in some countries it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age . is this a positive or negative development ?

#countries #companies #job #applicants #age #development
In
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 countries, it is unlawful for employers to depend on their age
take
Fix the infinitive
to take
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 and negative sides.
This
 topic is difficult, though. Most employers believe that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of humans up to their age in terms of strength,
intelligent
Replace the word
intelligence
show examples
 and other terms. In fact, the peoples who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 younger can work more than other elders. They have more motivation to do something, they can wake up early. They can do anything without fear, because of their less practice.
On the other hand
, the people who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 more years of working (that means they
Add a missing verb
are elder
show examples
elder
Correct your spelling
older
show examples
) have more experience, they know more than new ones, because of their practices, they know what they should
to
Change the verb form
apply
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do or not. They can
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
dangers
Correct article usage
the dangers
show examples
 and flaws of their work, so
this
 makes them irreplaceable and I support these characteristics. If I
would
Verb problem
were
show examples
founder
Correct article usage
a founder
show examples
 of any company, I
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 take workers
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on their
intelligent
Replace the word
intelligence
show examples
, experience and outlook, for me age
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be not important.
For example
, my dad. My dad has been working since 2000 in his workplace. I confidently say that my dad is better than any new
workers
Fix the agreement mistake
worker
show examples
 because of his experiences and practice. In conclusion, the employers which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 taking workers should rate their outlook, strength and their experiences. If they take employees
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on
the
Change the word
their
show examples
characters
Fix the agreement mistake
character
show examples
 as I said above, they can improve their workplace(company) and
degree
Correct article usage
the degree
show examples
 of
this
 company will be
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 high levels.
Submitted by javohirforwork on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure logical sequencing of ideas and paragraphs. Use clear topic sentences to begin paragraphs and cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop main points with specific detail. Avoid general statements without concrete examples or justification.
Task Response
Address all parts of the task. Ensure you respond to the question asked, considering both sides of the argument if the question requires, and provide a clear opinion.
Task Response
In the case of discussing advantages and disadvantages, ensure that both aspects are clearly addressed and exemplified. Avoid repeating the same idea in different words.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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