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Writing Samples /
Band 3

The disgram below shows what happens to pollutants from farming and industry once in a river system. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#disgram #pollutants #industry #river #system #information #features #comparisons
The provided diagram depicts the fates of agricultural and industrial pollutants after entering the
river
 system. There are mainly two types of pollutants discharged from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human activities, namely
nitrogen
 and heavy metals. The former
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is commonly discovered in farming practises,
in particular
 when fertilizers are in use.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 the later ones are generated through manufacturing processes. The two detrimental by-products share distinct
journey
Fix the agreement mistake
journeys
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 after moving into the
river
 courses. Plants in the
river
 bed serve as an important medium to absorb
nitrogen
 via the
nitrogen
 fixation process. By that, all of the
nitrogen
 wastes are removed from the water bodies within the
river
 courses, without any escape to the ocean.
Nonetheless
, the remaining heavy metals are unfortunately transported by the
fast flowing
Add a hyphen
fast-flowing
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 rivers to the sea.
Overall
, heavy metals leaked from the factories stay more
permenently
Correct your spelling
permanently
 than the
nitrogen
 pollutants in the water bodies. Their impacts
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the water are comparably larger.
Submitted by ardentpicks on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear overall structure. Consider organizing the information in a way that clearly introduces the subject, proceeds through a logical explanation of the key features, and ends with a concise summary or conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You have not sufficiently provided a variety of cohesive devices or transitions to guide the reader through your description of the diagram. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
To fully achieve the task, ensure that all main features of the diagram are covered. There is some missing information, like specific impacts of these pollutants on the river system, and the distinction between their fates is not fully explained or compared.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear but need to be more comprehensive. Expand on the points you make by providing more detailed descriptions and make comparisons where relevant.
task achievement
It's important to include relevant, specific examples or data from the diagram to support the points you make in your essay. While some examples are provided, adding more detail would strengthen your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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