IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free timeDiscuss both views and state your opinion.s

#money #time #timediscuss
people
advocates
Change the verb form
advocate
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 that a person should have upstands , funds and less free
time
 , other thinks opposed.
in
Capitalize word
In
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 my
opinions
Fix the agreement mistake
opinion
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, having enough wealth and spending quality
time
loved
Change preposition
with loved
show examples
 ones is worth it.
This
 essay will discuss both views and will
also
 Elaborate on my view in the forthcoming paragraphs. Undeniably, having more
money
 means increased financial
security's
Change noun form
security
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,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 ability
of affords
Change preposition
to afford
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 quality healthcare, education, and housing; but there
have
Verb problem
are
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 some disadvantages too, with less free
time
, an individual might experience
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 level of stress, and have limited opportunities for
relaxations
Fix the agreement mistake
relaxation
show examples
 and hobbies , might have lead to illness. To illustrate , let us imagine that a person who works
Correct article usage
a thirds
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thirds
Fix the agreement mistake
third
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 proportion of
a
Correct article usage
the
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 day,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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might have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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few times
Fix the agreement mistake
little time
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 to take care
himself
Change preposition
of himself
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 or his family; after a
while
 those people will get tired
,
Correct word choice
and, as
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as a consequence
,
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
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 many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
diseases.
in
Capitalize word
In
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 my own, I think health is the of all happiness,if I am not physically or mentally fit, I will not be able to enjoy anything, even if I have A lot of
money
. -
On the other hand
,
earns
Wrong verb form
earning
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 A medium proportion of
money
 for
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
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 and
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 personal
time
 for relaxation
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 better than before statement.
Therefore
 , earning less amount may fulfill our
basis
Replace the word
basic
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 needs, and saving for the future , potentially leading to financial stress
;
Change the punctuation
,
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 but there
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 more beneficial things too.
For example
, having
additional
Correct article usage
an additional
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 extra period allows for personal development , spending
time
 with family and friends,
pursuing
Correct word choice
and pursuing
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 interests and hobbies,
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
 leisure
time
 can
use
Wrong verb form
be used
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 for study
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 or involve exercise that can fit them both physically and mentally .
To conclude
,
due to
 the
aformentioned
Correct your spelling
aforementioned
 reasons, we may safely conclude that, the advantage of average income with
free
Correct article usage
a free
show examples
 period
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
 the excessive income with
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 hours.
Consequently
, I believe we should focus on our leisure for spending
Correct article usage
a happily
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happily
Change the word
happy
show examples
 life.That, all know ,
money
 cannot buy happiness.
Submitted by tanjimrafel6 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should clearly state the topic and your thesis. Use transition words to improve the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Develop clear and distinct main points for each paragraph and support them with specific examples or evidence. Avoid ambiguous statements and ensure that the link between the main idea and supporting information is explicit.
task achievement
Fully respond to all aspects of the task. State your opinion clearly and develop your arguments coherently. Make sure you discuss both views thoroughly and provide a clear rationale for your opinion.
task achievement
Provide clear and comprehensive ideas for each point you are trying to make. Avoid general statements and strive to delve deeper into the topic with well-thought-out arguments and explanations.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support your points. The examples should be directly connected to the arguments you are making and help to illustrate your points more vividly.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Work-life balance
  • Quality of life
  • Economic independence
  • Leisure activities
  • Personal development
  • Stress management
  • Time management
  • Quality healthcare
  • Financial stress
  • Pursuing interests
  • Job satisfaction
  • Standard of living
  • Consumer goods
  • Savings and investments
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