Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Nowadays, it has been believed by numerous
people
that music
has become a communication language and expressing
emotion by Wrong verb form
expresses
people
, also
music
has a significant role in bringing different cultures together. In this
essay, I will explain why I totally agree with this
opinion.
To start, in my attitude by
Change preposition
with
widespread
of technology Correct article usage
the widespread
people
can reach every singer's songs
as long as they tend to listen, for example
by surfing on Internet
they can download the diversity of Add an article
the Internet
music
that is
favourited by them, while
in past just the native can reach to songs
of the singers, considering that, melody help an individual to know other cultures by listening to other nation melodies. In addition
, people
on social media can share their opinion about songs
and discuss the songs
, which help them to communicate with each other.
Furthermore
, singers by providing concerts ,aim to various individuals of variant
ages and cultures get together in there, in fact Replace the word
various
this
cause people
to hear a common melody that’s their interest and meet each other and make friendships each other. Moreover
, every melody includes a special sense of a poem and people
can express their sense and emotion by sending songs
to people
like a girl or boy friend
.
In conclusion, it seems to me that Correct your spelling
boyfriend
music
is a powerful tool to cement connections and relationships between people
because music
is a common language among people
.Submitted by sinaazimifar on
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coherence cohesion
Please ensure each paragraph has a central idea that is expanded upon with supporting details. The essay requires more cohesion in linking these ideas effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but can be strengthened with clearer thesis statements and summaries of the main argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Broad statements are present, but they need to be substantiated with precise incidents or data for a higher score.
coherence cohesion
Aim for a clearer progression of ideas throughout the essay, with each paragraph naturally leading into the next through the use of cohesive devices such as linking words and phrases.
task achievement
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task achievement
Clarify and articulate your ideas more comprehensively. Each point you raise should be sufficiently explained and analyzed within the context of the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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