IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In this modern day and age, some individuals hold the belief that professionals such as engineers and doctors should work in the country where they educated and trained but others think oppositely has sparked much debate. In my essay, I would like to give my opinion about both these views and discuss.

#age #individuals #belief #professionals #engineers #doctors #work #country #debate
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It is an undeniable fact that our world is developing at a very rapid pace.
As a result
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 of
this
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,
people
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 who want to be
proffesional
Correct your spelling
professional
about
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at
show examples
 his or her
job
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jobs
show examples
 achieve their goals easily.
That is
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 why, every passing day
the
Correct article usage
apply
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new
professionals
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 are appearing. So, what are they going to do? Are they going to stay in that
country
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that
Correct word choice
where
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 they became
proffesional
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professional
? We live in a free world, nobody is a slave now. So, in my opinion,
everbody
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everybody
 can do whatever they want. If a professional sees a better
carrier
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career
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 or a better life in another
country
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, he or she should go without
hesitations
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hesitation
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.
Thus
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, they want to build a better life for themselves or their children and they deserve it.
People
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 who are
professionals
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 put a lot of effort
to become
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into becoming
show examples
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
 in the past and they need to eat the apple
as a result
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 of that effort.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 have to give respect to their
country
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 where they became professional
,
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apply
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 since that
country
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 raised them.
That is
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 why, some
people
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 think the
professionals
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 must stay in their
country
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 and work for them.
Moreover
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, if all of the
proffesionals
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professionals
 went to another
country
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, who is going to develop and improve their main
country
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?
That is
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 a serious problem that a lot of countries still have been suffering
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
For example
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, I am living in Turkey right now and most of the
professionals
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 are going to
another
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other countries
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country
Use synonyms
 to build better
carrier
Correct your spelling
careers
show examples
. But, if it is going to same way
like
Change preposition
as
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this
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, there will be no
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
 at their job and nobody will improve their
country
Use synonyms
. Having considered all the arguments above, in my opinion,
professionals
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 can go
the
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to the
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country
Use synonyms
 that they choose. It is their wanting and nobody can touch that. Undoubtedly, the problem
Change preposition
of that
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that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 lack of
professionals
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 in some countries will increase. From my point of view,
Correct article usage
the responsibles
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responsibles
Correct your spelling
responsible
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
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 problem are governments and they need to prevent it. But still, any professional can go anywhere they want.
Submitted by sarperkuzay on

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structure
Ensure that your essay is well-structured, with clear introductions and conclusions. General statements without specifics are not enough to frame your essay.
supporting evidence
You need to provide specific examples and evidence to support your main points. This makes your argument stronger and your essay more persuasive.
grammar and spelling
Be mindful of your grammar and vocabulary. This essay has several grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, such as 'proffesional' instead of 'professional', which can be distracting to the reader and impact their understanding of your points.
connective language
Your essay would benefit from clear and varied connecting phrases to better link ideas and paragraphs, thereby improving the logical flow of your writing.
argument development
While it is good to address both sides of the argument, make sure to thoroughly develop your own perspective with adequate arguments and examples.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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