Some people think city planners should create more green spaces and plant trees. Others believe that they should focus on building new houses. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is no doubt that these days many
people
need many parks in their
hometown
Fix the agreement mistake
hometowns
show examples
that
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will assist them in many
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
. The question is, what is more necessary for governments
build
Fix the infinitive
to build
show examples
new
houses
or many gardens?
This
essay will argue that
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
many parks will help
people
to get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good air and clean oxygen which will
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
beneficial for their health. Many
people
think that
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
new
houses
will improve their
quality
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
, the main reason given to support
this
point is that a lot of
people
are now living in old buildings which is extremely
denger
Correct your spelling
dangerous
for them. To illustrate, old buildings are able to fall down because of dirty
quality
and bad materials.
Moreover
, Nowadays a lot of
people
without
Add a missing verb
are without
show examples
houses
. To illustrate, Homeless need to
houses
Add a missing verb
have houses
show examples
to get
nice
Correct article usage
a nice
show examples
quality
of life.
On the other hand
, many
human
Change to a plural noun
humans
show examples
think that
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
many green spaces is pretty critical for children. To illustrate, Children will find new spaces for
palying
Correct your spelling
playing
and enjoyment.
For example
, In Saudi Arabia,
Correct article usage
the Govrenment
show examples
Govrenment
Correct your spelling
government
built many gardens which got many good comments
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
social media
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
families.
However
, They still suffering
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
houses issue
Fix the agreement mistake
house issues
show examples
. In conclusion,
This
essay has
argue
Change the verb form
argued
show examples
that parks and
plant
Replace the word
planting
show examples
trees
is extremely
Verb problem
are
show examples
essential for our
palnet
Correct your spelling
planet
, kids and families because they need to get
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
quality
of
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
. it is necessary for governments to ensure the
quality
of
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
for their citizen
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
are struggling with diseases like cancer,
allergy
Fix the agreement mistake
allergies
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
cough and many
Correct word choice
other thing
show examples
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
.
Submitted by mshal2547 on

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Introduction
Ensure that the introduction effectively paraphrases the question and clearly states the forthcoming discussion points. Your introduction should set a clear roadmap for your essay. Try to avoid general statements and focus on directly addressing the task.
Conclusion
In your conclusion, instead of introducing new ideas, you should summarize what was discussed throughout the essay. It should reflect upon the arguments made and restate your personal stance, reaffirming your position within the discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing ideas into clear paragraphs with topic sentences that state the main idea of the paragraph. Use cohesive devices such as linking words and phrases to transition smoothly between ideas without repetition or jumping abruptly from one idea to another.
Ideas Support
Clarify and develop your main points by providing detailed explanations, appropriate reasons, or specific examples. This will support your argument and make your writing more convincing.
Task Response
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. It appears that while both views and your opinion are mentioned, the development of the arguments is limited. You should expand on both views equally and make your personal opinion clear, with adequate support.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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