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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Students generally prefer to choose the period they are supposed to study and the period they are free to have fun. They should be allowed to do their time management. Do you agree or disagree?

#students #period #study #fun #time #management
Nowadays, education has changed drastically from what it used to be, from the teaching strategies to the mechanisms applied in evaluations.
This
approaching
Replace the word
approach
show examples
 has brought new ideas about how
students
'
decisions
 should have a different impact in matters
such
 as the spare
time
 in their
scheduls
Correct your spelling
schedules
schedule
. It is disagreed that
students
 should manage their schooling
time
. Analysing how a majority of
students
 are not mature enough to take
such
decisions
, and the way that scholars must stick to a commitment (regarding their
scheduls
Correct your spelling
schedules
schedule
) in hopes of developing a sense of
responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 in their lives will support
this
.
Firstly
, underaged learners possess an
in-development-brain
Correct your spelling
in-development brain
show examples
 which translates to not fully functional and mature choosing.
For example
, infants are not given the right to either drive or vote,
this
 is because their
gray
Change the spelling
grey
show examples
 matter cannot grasp and process information the same as a
grown-adult
Correct your spelling
grown adult
show examples
 does, leaving them at the mercy of bad
decisions
. Naturally, a majority of
students
 are forging
this
 sense of becoming a future adult with reasonable
decisions
 that might not have the ability to decide on his or
or
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
her
time
.
Thus
, expecting
students
 (
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 the younger ones) to come
along with
 a brilliant outcome over the
time
 to study and to have fun is inconceivable.
Secondly
, it is of the utmost importance to forge
responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
all
Rephrase
apply
show examples
along
Correct your spelling
among
show examples
students
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be accomplished by following an agenda, just as
us
Correct pronoun usage
we
show examples
 adults have to commit to in the real world.
For instance
, it has been shown that it is more likely for children to meet benchmarks at school by having
defined-studying-hours
Correct your spelling
defined studying hours
show examples
 than
giving
Change preposition
by giving
show examples
 them the
liverty
Correct your spelling
liberty
 to do as they please. It is plausible,
then
, that well-oriented
students
 will carry those values into the future society.
Therefore
,
maintining
Correct your spelling
maintaining
 and improving
this
 technique where scholars are given an itinerary to follow will sharpen
comunal
Correct your spelling
communal
 values. In
conlcusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
students
' decision ability is not acute enough
for grasping
Change preposition
to grasp
show examples
 decision-making regarding spare and study
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 and, by following instructions, they might get invaluable values
along
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Hence
,
it is clear that
 scholars cannot have a word in the itinerary they have to stick to.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 it has been concluded that there are no issues with the manner
Change preposition
in that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 agendas are chosen and implemented
over
Change preposition
for
show examples
 young
studens
Correct your spelling
students
student
.
Submitted by gerunch on

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task achievement
Ensure your essay has a clear position throughout the response.
task achievement
Develop each main point with specific examples that clearly relate to the task.
coherence cohesion
Improve the accuracy of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Consider paragraphing logically to improve the readability and organization of the essay.
general
Maintain a formal register suitable for an academic essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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