Details of politicians’ private lives should not be published in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
These days, an increasing number of reporters are interested in sharing personal pictures of
politicians
' private life
in order to be noticed and get paid for it. I truly believe, that these actions need to be punished and prohibited as they disturb the Fix the agreement mistake
lives
lives
of people from the government.
To begin
with, information regarding politicians
' personal lives
should not be shared in print media, because it can be harmful to their family members who do not even related
to Change the verb form
relate
this
news. Revealing these details cause
Verb problem
apply
expose
them to unwanted negative comments and criticism, especially if the shared pictures or news are controversial. Correct subject-verb agreement
exposes
Hence
, many famous political leaders have to hide their family background and the names of their relatives. For example
, due to
the issue of corruption in Russia, many scandal journalists chase innocent family members of the person who was involved into
corrupt illegal actions.
Change preposition
in
Additionally
, posting personal information without a
permission should be considered as breaking the law and be punished. If paparazzi, who are hired to invade properties belonging to Remove the article
apply
politicians
, will be punished in form
of money, Correct article usage
the form
this
will prevent some of them from participating in illegal actions. For instance
, in Australia, it happens extremely rare
when reporters reveal unwilling information, because of the high value of human rights and regulations. Change the word
rarely
Moreover
, if extra employees are hired for searching
for these reporters Change preposition
to search
as well as
protecting
Wrong verb form
protect
privacy
of political leaders, Add an article
the privacy
this
will help to reduce the rates of unwanted news.
In conclusion, private
Correct article usage
the private
lives
of the
Correct article usage
apply
politicians
should stay secret, to protect relatives. In my opinion, it is essential to establish high fines for those who disturb politicians
Change noun form
politicians'
politician's
lives
by crossing their boundaries and provide strict policies to mitigate this
issue.Submitted by innakireeva0101 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay displays a logical structure with an introduction and conclusion. However, the development of ideas and transitions between them could be improved for better coherence. Work on connecting paragraphs and ideas more smoothly, using a variety of linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic, but the task response could be more complete by covering the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees more explicitly throughout the essay. Provide a more in-depth analysis of the reasons for your stance and how they relate to the question.