IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Details of politicians’ private lives should not be published in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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These days, an increasing number of reporters are interested in sharing personal pictures of
politicians
Use synonyms
' private
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 in order to be noticed and get paid for it. I truly believe, that these actions need to be punished and prohibited as they disturb the
lives
Use synonyms
 of people from the government.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, information regarding
politicians
Use synonyms
' personal
lives
Use synonyms
 should not be shared in print media, because it can be harmful to their family members who do not even
related
Change the verb form
relate
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 to
this
Linking Words
 news. Revealing these details
cause
Verb problem
apply
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expose
Correct subject-verb agreement
exposes
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 them to unwanted negative comments and criticism, especially if the shared pictures or news are controversial.
Hence
Linking Words
, many famous political leaders have to hide their family background and the names of their relatives.
For example
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the issue of corruption in Russia, many scandal journalists chase innocent family members of the person who was involved
into
Change preposition
in
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 corrupt illegal actions.
Additionally
Linking Words
, posting personal information without
a
Remove the article
apply
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permission should be considered as breaking the law and be punished. If paparazzi, who are hired to invade properties belonging to
politicians
Use synonyms
, will be punished in
form
Correct article usage
the form
show examples
 of money,
this
Linking Words
 will prevent some of them from participating in illegal actions.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Australia, it happens extremely
rare
Change the word
rarely
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 when reporters reveal unwilling information, because of the high value of human rights and regulations.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if extra employees are hired
for searching
Change preposition
to search
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 for these reporters
as well as
Linking Words
protecting
Wrong verb form
protect
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privacy
Add an article
the privacy
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 of political leaders,
this
Linking Words
 will help to reduce the rates of unwanted news. In conclusion,
private
Correct article usage
the private
show examples
lives
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
politicians
Use synonyms
 should stay secret, to protect relatives. In my opinion, it is essential to establish high fines for those who disturb
Use synonyms
politicians
Change noun form
politicians'
politician's
show examples
lives
Use synonyms
 by crossing their boundaries and provide strict policies to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 issue.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay displays a logical structure with an introduction and conclusion. However, the development of ideas and transitions between them could be improved for better coherence. Work on connecting paragraphs and ideas more smoothly, using a variety of linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic, but the task response could be more complete by covering the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees more explicitly throughout the essay. Provide a more in-depth analysis of the reasons for your stance and how they relate to the question.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • intrusion
  • accountability
  • transparency
  • sensationalism
  • privacy
  • public interest
  • collateral damage
  • precedent
  • responsible journalism
  • exploitation
  • democratic processes
  • media culture
  • balance
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