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Band 2

Not enough choose science subject in university in many countries.why?effects on society

#science #university #countries #effects #society
Thesedays
Correct your spelling
These days
, there is a
lack
 of
students
Correct pronoun usage
who choose
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choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
Add an article
a science
show examples
science related
Add a hyphen
science-related
show examples
 in high education
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 in several
nation
Change to a plural noun
nations
show examples
.
This
 trend may be attributed to some reason.
This
 can
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
 some serious effects on society. It said that it is difficult for
students
 to gain knowledge about
science
.
For example
, with Physics, we must learn by heart all of the recipes
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 with Chemistry, we must balance chemical equations….
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
 that, student's parents tend to think that choosing
science
 subjects can not help them look for well-paying jobs. They said that work in labor, or contact with chemicals is very dangerous. The
lack
 of
students
 choosing
science
 fields can make
science
 involved
personal
Change the word
personally
show examples
. It can cause
imbalance
Add an article
an imbalance
show examples
 in the job market. More seriously, people will
lack
 knowledge about
science
,
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
body composition and how to keep a balanced diet. In conclusion, the small number of
students
 participating in research in scientific fields will lead to a
lack
 of human resources,
an
Correct word choice
and an
show examples
 imbalance in the job market... The government and society need to take appropriate measures to encourage
students
 to participate
study
Change preposition
in study
show examples
 and research on
science
-related issues.
Submitted by thuhuyen16992qn on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction sets a clear framework for the topic and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. Both sections lacked proper development.
logical structure
Develop logical paragraphs with clear topic sentences. Some of the paragraphs were unclear and did not progress logically.
supported main points
Support main points with detailed explanations and specific examples. Your essay had general observations that could be strengthened with specific details.
complete response
Ensure a full response to all parts of the task. Your essay somewhat addressed the reasons and effects, but could have provided a deeper and more focused analysis of the societal impact.
clear comprehensive ideas
Express ideas clearly and elaborate on them. Ideas were present but not always articulated in a clear and comprehensive manner. More development and clarity are needed.
relevant specific examples
Use specific examples to illustrate your points. Your essay lacked concrete examples to substantiate its claims, making it less persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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