IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Not enough choose science subject in university in many countries.why?effects on society

#science #university #countries #effects #society
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Thesedays
Correct your spelling
These days
, there is a
lack
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 of
students
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Correct pronoun usage
who choose
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choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
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Use synonyms
Add an article
a science
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science related
Add a hyphen
science-related
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 in high education
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 in several
nation
Change to a plural noun
nations
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.
This
Linking Words
 trend may be attributed to some reason.
This
Linking Words
 can
make
Verb problem
have
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 some serious effects on society. It said that it is difficult for
students
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 to gain knowledge about
science
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.
For example
Linking Words
, with Physics, we must learn by heart all of the recipes
or
Correct word choice
and
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 with Chemistry, we must balance chemical equations….
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
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 that, student's parents tend to think that choosing
science
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 subjects can not help them look for well-paying jobs. They said that work in labor, or contact with chemicals is very dangerous. The
lack
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 of
students
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 choosing
science
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 fields can make
science
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 involved
personal
Change the word
personally
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. It can cause
imbalance
Add an article
an imbalance
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 in the job market. More seriously, people will
lack
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 knowledge about
science
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,
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
body composition and how to keep a balanced diet. In conclusion, the small number of
students
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 participating in research in scientific fields will lead to a
lack
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 of human resources,
an
Correct word choice
and an
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 imbalance in the job market... The government and society need to take appropriate measures to encourage
students
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 to participate
study
Change preposition
in study
show examples
 and research on
science
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-related issues.
Submitted by thuhuyen16992qn on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction sets a clear framework for the topic and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. Both sections lacked proper development.
logical structure
Develop logical paragraphs with clear topic sentences. Some of the paragraphs were unclear and did not progress logically.
supported main points
Support main points with detailed explanations and specific examples. Your essay had general observations that could be strengthened with specific details.
complete response
Ensure a full response to all parts of the task. Your essay somewhat addressed the reasons and effects, but could have provided a deeper and more focused analysis of the societal impact.
clear comprehensive ideas
Express ideas clearly and elaborate on them. Ideas were present but not always articulated in a clear and comprehensive manner. More development and clarity are needed.
relevant specific examples
Use specific examples to illustrate your points. Your essay lacked concrete examples to substantiate its claims, making it less persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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