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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries today, people in cities either live alone or in small family units, rather than in large, extended family groups. Is this a positive or negative trend?

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Nowadays, many people are more likely to live a life by themselves or with a few members of their family than with a large number of relatives. I think its positive effects outweigh the negative ones and
this
 essay will explain why. First of all, with the rapid development of society and technology, many youngsters are working as specialists in high-tech, financial or scientific fields which means that they need to focus and spend more
time
 and energy to complete their work well. If they live in a big group of family, some of their
time
 may be dominated by communicating or having parties with relatives, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
could
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not have enough
time
 to do their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
In addition
, those who live alone and live in small family units are freer to enjoy the way of life they want to have which is difficult to achieve when they stay with parents and grandparents who may criticise their lifestyle that regarded as unhealthy.
Nevertheless
, staying alone have some negative effects, it could be avoided by
doing
Verb problem
making
show examples
 prediction
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 them. Admittedly, when people struggle with the difficulties faced at work or have some health problem, they find it pretty easy to feel lonely if they have no parents and siblings around them. But, they could move to their parent's home when the
time
 comes and it is not a conflict with their living alone.
Moreover
, in some special festivals,
such
 as the Chinese New Year and the Mid-Autumn Festival, it will be not so interesting if there are not many family members celebrating together.
However
,
due to
 Chinese tradition, lots of people choose to go to their parent's home or back to their homeland when important and special days come up and it can avoid regret efficiently. In conclusion,
although
 it has some disadvantages to living alone, the advantages could outweigh that.
Submitted by odongua on

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task achievement
The introduction and conclusion are missing clear thesis statements that indicate the writer's position on the topic. Make sure to include a clear opinion in both the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from more explicit topic sentences that clearly state the main point of each paragraph. This would improve the logical progression and clarity of ideas.
task achievement
There is a need for more elaboration and development of ideas. Adding more detailed examples and explanations would strengthen the argument and provide deeper insight into the issue.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the essay. Proofreading and editing for grammar, vocabulary choice, and sentence structure would significantly improve the quality of writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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