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Band 5

The number of TV programs is growing day by day .some people say that it is good as it is gives people more choices while other say it affect the quality of TV programs discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#tv #programs #people #choices #quality
In recent days, various
TV
programs
 have increased every day. The effects,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can give advantages and disadvantages in the quality of
TV
programs
. I strongly believe
this
 can be deployed for human lives. Looking into more detail, the value of the negative of
this
 improvement can affect every level of humans like children, teenagers, adults and
elders
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
people
. It will give more
information
 that can not be filtered because of the amount of
information
 from television.
For example
, there is a lot of
information
 about the celebrity that they can watch on
TV
 programmes.The value of the news, can not be known by
people
. They can believe the
information
 naturally without cross-checking the
information
. The results,
people
 will follow the
information
instead
 the
information
 is real or fake.
This
 can make followers wrong in directions.
On the other hand
, the
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 of
TV
programs
 can make advantages for citizens.
First,
they can choose a variety of
programs
 based on their needs. They can filter which program they want to watch. That means they can
improved
Change the verb form
improve
show examples
 the value of their lives based on their hobbies
for example
. Second, education can be learned everywhere not only at schools. Children can get
information
 from every
TV
 program that brings news about something new to learn. In my opinion, a variety of
TV
programs
 can make
people
 more intelligent and learn everything that can make their lives better than before. They can
also
 share
information
 with each other who have similar concerns. They can discuss based on what their was watched before.
Submitted by sastyoke on

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introduction conclusion present
Your introduction to the topic was not sufficiently clear, making it challenging to understand your thesis statement. Ensure that you provide a detailed introductory paragraph that presents the topic and clearly states your position on the issue. Additionally, a conclusion should effectively summarize the main points and reinforce your opinion.
logical structure
Your essay lacked a clear logical flow, which is crucial for coherence and cohesion. To enhance the organization of your essay, use transitional phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs. Also, structure your essay with distinct paragraphs, each containing a single main idea that is well developed and supported with examples or explanations.
supported main points
While you did attempt to support your main points, the supporting details were sometimes not entirely relevant or fully explained. Aim to fortify each argument with pertinent examples or evidence and explain how they substantiate your points. This approach will strengthen the impact of your essay and help engage the reader.
complete response
To achieve a complete response to the task, it is essential that you address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. You presented a general view on the topic but did not provide a comprehensive discussion of both sides as instructed. Future essays should cover all aspects of the question, offering analysis and personal insight where appropriate.
clear comprehensive ideas
relevant specific examples
You provided some examples but they were not specific enough to effectively illustrate your points. When using examples in your essays, choose ones that are directly relevant and elaborative. Specific examples add depth to your arguments and help to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the subject matter.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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