IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

It is important for all the cities and towns to have large outdoor , such as parks or squares. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#cities #towns #parks #squares
There is no doubt that these days, a lot of countries think about
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
developing
 their cities by
build
Change the verb form
building
show examples
 gardens and green spaces. The question is, is it necessary for
governmets
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 to make many
facilities
 in their towns?
This
 essay will argue that cities need to build many
facilities
 and squares which will help them to increase their
economy
 by visitors, and It is essential for their
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 to get enjoyment. In terms of
positive
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the positive
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 side, the public spaces will
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the
number
 of
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
 from
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
citites
Correct your spelling
cities
 which
extremely
Add a missing verb
is extremely
show examples
 helpful. the main reason given to support
this
 point is that when the
number
 of visitors
increased
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
 the rate of
economy
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the economy
show examples
 will be higher. To illustrate, when the
toursits
Correct your spelling
tourists
 find
an amazing
Correct the article-noun agreement
an amazing facility
amazing facilities
show examples
facilities
 they will pay a lot of money which will increase the figure of
economy
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the economy
show examples
.
For example
, Riyadh had not any public spaces, but when they started
build
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building
show examples
facilities
 the
number
 of
toursits
Correct your spelling
tourists
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 higher, between 2017 and 2023 the
number
 of visitors in Riyadh has increased from one million to 30 million people mm nn bb vv cc xx dd rr ee tt uu jj kk ll gg dd ddf
dfe
Correct your spelling
de
df
die
 fr
frd
Correct your spelling
ford
 ed fg gf.
Moreover
,
Build
Wrong verb form
Building
show examples
 parks or squares will assist people who live in the city. To illustrate, the
facilities
 are helpful for families who have children by
get
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getting
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 the kids around the city
instead
 of
travel
Wrong verb form
travelling
show examples
 to
another cities
Replace the adjective
another city
other cities
show examples
. In conclusion,
this
 essay will argue that
facilities
 are very critical for residents and it is extremely essential for the
economy
 of the city.
Submitted by mshal2547 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure. There is a need to organize ideas into clear paragraphs, including an introduction with a thesis statement, body paragraphs with topic sentences, and a coherent conclusion. Additionally, it is essential to develop each point with explanations and examples.
task achievement
The response does not adequately address all parts of the task. It is essential to provide a definite opinion on the statement, supported by relevant arguments and examples. Ensure that the question prompt is fully answered and the opinion is clear throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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