IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view. Give reasons for your answers and provide relevant example and experience you might have.

#people #women #parents #men #role #children #societies #point #answers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph provides data
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
,
pizza
 and fried
chicken
 consumed by Mauritian teenagers between 1985 and 2015. In 1985,
pizza
 was by far the most popular product with about 60 numbers of
times
 eaten per week.
Hamburger
 and Fried
chicken
 were eaten in similar quantities, the first one was approximately 10
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
times
 and the second one
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 just below
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10.
However
, during
this
 25-year period, there was a dramatic decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
pizza
 from 60 to 10 numbers of
times
. The consumption of
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
 and fried
chicken
 showed an upward trend steadily till 2005, but the consumption of fried
chicken
 increased much less significantly.
According to
 the graph, in 2000 the chart illustrates the same level of consumption of all types of products
jus
Correct your spelling
just
show examples
 around 40
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
times
.
Overall
, it should
also
 be mentioned that at the start of the period,
pizza
 was the most popular fast food, which was replaced by
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
 and fried
chicken
 by 2015
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
The response lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are necessary to frame the topic and summarize the main points of the discussion.
complete response
The essay does not address the given writing prompt about parenting but instead discusses a completely unrelated topic involving fast food consumption. This results in a complete failure to meet the task requirements.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay content should directly answer the prompt. In this case, the candidate should have discussed the comparative parenting abilities of men and women, supported by relevant examples and personal experience.
supported main points
The main points about parenting abilities and related societal roles need to be clearly supported by logical reasoning or specific examples, which is missing in the essay.
logical structure
The essay needs a logical structure that clearly progresses from the introduction to body paragraphs and then to a conclusion. Each paragraph should contain a single clear idea or argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • parenting
  • nurturing
  • paternal
  • maternal
  • societal expectations
  • gender roles
  • co-parenting
  • emotional intelligence
  • child-rearing
  • caregiver
  • egalitarian
  • stereotype
  • nuclear family
  • single parent
  • shared custody
  • bonding
  • child development
  • primary caregiver
  • compassionate
  • empathetic
What to do next:
Look at other essays: