Nowadays, most countries can improve the standard of living through economic development, but some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of this phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?

During three
previos
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previous
decates
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decades
, the lifestyle of
humens
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humans
are
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is
show examples
dramatically changed .
The technology
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Technology
show examples
is the most
factor
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important factor
show examples
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that impact
show examples
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
show examples
the
rasing
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raising
show examples
of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
level.
However
, we can
See
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see
show examples
this days
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this day
these days
show examples
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
social value
decresseing gradualy
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decreasing gradually
. In
this
essay, we will
duscuss
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discuss
about some
drowbacks
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drawbacks
of
this
matter and
acording
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according
to me the Positives hold more significance. To commence
withe
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with
show examples
econome develofment
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economic development
it
upgrade
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upgrades
show examples
the
People
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People's
show examples
life
standerd
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standards
. In general, if they have enough money , the community will be more comfortable . How
this
could be?
The job
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Job
show examples
opportunities are increasing, so most
of
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apply
show examples
Job
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the Job
show examples
seekers will
works
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work
show examples
and they will get
salary
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a salary
the salary
show examples
. There
are
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is
show examples
another worth Considering factor is education. To explain, the educational
People
can
effect
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affect
show examples
the economy by opening diversity of businesses in
diffrent
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different
aspects .
for example
, interior design, restaurants ,
Architectur
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architecture
and markets. On the
ore
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one
show examples
hand,
the
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this
show examples
is an
arament
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argument
armament
can develop the economy , as much as the humane work in building
magnifcent
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magnificent
Constraction
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Construction
, as their countries will be more attract for the tourists, especially if they have great
heritag
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heritage
cultur
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culture
.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
all
this
will
decreas
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decrease
the Poverite between the
People
and they will be more open to the world.
Dispite
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Despite
this
, i am
full
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fully
show examples
agree that the
importains
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importance
of social values will go down,
becaus
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because
the employee will fight to be secessesfull which will not mack the
people
have
alot
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a lot
of time to
built
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build
show examples
strong
relation
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relationships
show examples
with their family and friends. In conclusion,
while
the respect and values will drop,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
economical
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economic
show examples
advancement
are
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is
show examples
more significant.
From
Change the preposition
In
show examples
my opinion reducing the
unemplotment
Correct your spelling
unemployment
and poverty rate
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
more important than social Values.
Submitted by aljoori95 on

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task achievement
The essay lacks clarity and precision in conveying the central argument. The introduction does not clearly state the candidate's position, and the conclusion is not effectively summarised. The candidate should work on clearly presenting and restating their argument in both the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has poor logical structure, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. Develop a clearer thematic progression, organising ideas into well-structured paragraphs, each with a main idea followed by supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Supporting points in the essay lack development and relevant examples. For a higher score, expand on the main points with clear, specific examples, demonstrating an understanding of the topic and the prompt's question.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • social values
  • materialism
  • community welfare
  • sustainable technologies
  • environmental degradation
  • social stratification
  • social cohesion
  • economic status
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