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Writing Samples /
Band 6

The diagram below show the change that have taken place ar queen mary hospital since its construction in 1960.

The diagram below show the change that have taken place ar queen mary hospital since its construction in 1960.
#show #change #place #ar #queen #mary #construction
The diagrams compare and contrast the change of Queen Mary Hospital's construction and its'
surrounded
Replace the word
surrounding
show examples
 buildings from 1960 to 2000.
Overall
, The area of
hospital
Add an article
the hospital
show examples
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
remained during
this
 period,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 there were different buildings which
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 used
various
Change preposition
for various
show examples
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 after its
consruction
Correct your spelling
construction
 in 1960. In 1960, there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 only
hospital
Correct article usage
a hospital
show examples
,
car
park
, shopping
centre
 and farmland. Between 1960 and 1980, the place of hospital and
car
park
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 same location and covered
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exactly the same size.
Nonetheless
, the area
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which was used as
shopping
Add an article
a shopping
show examples
centre
 and farmland
transformed
Add a missing verb
was transformed
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 three buildings that were cancer
centre
, pharmacy and nursing school. After following years until 2000, the
car
park
 and nursing school area halved and
nursing
Correct article usage
a nursing
show examples
 school
added
Add a missing verb
was added
show examples
 next to the
car
park
. There were noticeable
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
that
Correct word choice
in that
show examples
cancer
Correct article usage
the cancer
show examples
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
show examples
 expanded nearly three times
where
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
 located at
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 nursing
scholl
Correct your spelling
school
 place. The pharmacy continued to
served
Change the form of the verb
serve
show examples
 at the same location in 2000.
Submitted by ilknurkaradmn on

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words car, park, centre with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "change" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • initial structure
  • renovations
  • expansions
  • hospital complex
  • infrastructure
  • layout
  • capacity
  • technological advances
  • environmental footprint
  • sustainability practices
  • pedestrian pathways
  • parking facilities
  • medical wards
  • specialist units
  • outpatient services
  • landscaping
  • public transport links
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