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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the average percentage in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

The charts below show the average percentage in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
The pie charts illustrate the percentages of meals
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 three types of nutrients, including
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat and added sugar which
consumed
Add a missing verb
are consumed
show examples
 in the USA.
Overall
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dinner
Use synonyms
 foods contain
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat most among
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 three meals, whilst
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
snacks
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 sugar the most. The two first former nutrients have nearly a similar portion in each
meals
Change to a singular noun
meal
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. In terms of
sodium
Use synonyms
, breakfast
contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
about 14% and it is the same
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 as
snacks
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
saturated fat is
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 at 16% at breakfast and
contained
Wrong verb form
contains
show examples
 21% in
snacks
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
snacks
Use synonyms
 comprise sugar most at 42%,
whereas
Linking Words
 breakfast has the same
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 as saturated fat
at
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the same meal period. During the
dinner
Use synonyms
, 43% of
sodium
Use synonyms
 is contained, followed by 29% at lunch.
Similarly
Linking Words
, in saturated
fat
Add a comma
fat,
show examples
 37% and 26%
is comprise
Change the verb form
is comprised
show examples
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
dinner
Use synonyms
 and lunch, respectively.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
afternoon
Correct article usage
the afternoon
show examples
 meal, 23% is contained at
dinner
Use synonyms
 which is greater than lunch (19%).

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, dinner, snacks with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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