IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

student perform better in school when they are rewarder than punished. to what extend do you agree or disagree?

Use synonyms
School
Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
show examples
 consider
to apply
Change the verb form
applying
show examples
 some methodology to improve
student
Use synonyms
 academic performance. One of the
method
Change to a plural noun
methods
show examples
 is
give
Fix the infinitive
to give
show examples
 some
reward
Use synonyms
 to motivate rather than
punishement
Correct your spelling
punishment
. In fact, I disagree with
with
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
the idea that giving
Use synonyms
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 can motivate
Use synonyms
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to perform better. Giving
Use synonyms
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
 is one of
good
Correct article usage
the good
show examples
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
 for
motivate
Change the verb form
motivating
show examples
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to achieve better academic
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 method
Add a missing verb
is common
show examples
common
Change the word
commonly
show examples
 used as an incentive for
Use synonyms
Add an article
a student
the student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 who
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to
actively
Add a missing verb
be actively
show examples
 involved in some
extraculicular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
extra-curricular
 activity, make an
innvoation
Correct your spelling
innovation
 and initiative.
Therefore
Linking Words
, to make it more
intersting
Correct your spelling
interesting
, some
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 can give the
reward
Use synonyms
 in academic credit. To illustrate,
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 could make a policy for
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 who join and win a competition or olympiade can get extra academic credit or scholarship.
Use synonyms
School
Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
 take
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
advantage by promoting
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
student
Use synonyms
 achievement to
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 and
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 a good reputation for
Use synonyms
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, only
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
Use synonyms
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
 can not
fully
Add a missing verb
be fully
show examples
 effective for
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 perform better at
school
Use synonyms
.
Reward
Use synonyms
 must be balanced with
punishment
Use synonyms
, so
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
also
Linking Words
 can learn about responsibility. To support that objective,
Use synonyms
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should have
a rules
Correct the article-noun agreement
rules
a rule
show examples
 about
Use synonyms
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
 and
punishment
Use synonyms
 so
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can be
implement
Wrong verb form
implemented
show examples
consistent
Change the word
consistently
show examples
 and
equal
Change the word
equally
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
school
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
 can make a
reward
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 who actively in class and
also
Linking Words
punishment
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 who is make the class noisy or not
condusive
Correct your spelling
conducive
 situation.
This
Linking Words
balance
Change the verb form
balanced
show examples
 concept, not only make
Use synonyms
student
Add an article
the student
show examples
 perform better but
also
Linking Words
 obey the rules and
Add a missing verb
be resposible
show examples
resposible
Correct your spelling
responsible
 for what they do. In conclusion, giving
Use synonyms
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 is not only a good way to motivate
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to perform better, but balanced it with
punishment
Use synonyms
, it can make
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 learn about responsibility. I,
therefore
Linking Words
remainly
Correct your spelling
remain
 convinced that
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 not only applied
Use synonyms
reward
Correct article usage
the reward
show examples
 approach alone.

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a basic structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good. However, to improve coherence and cohesion and achieve a higher band score, work on the logical flow of ideas throughout the essay. Ideas should progress naturally from one to the next, with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph and cohesive devices that help the reader link these ideas together smoothly.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, the essay meets the minimum requirements of addressing the topic by presenting both sides of the argument. Yet the essay could be significantly developed by expanding on these ideas, including more in-depth analysis, and providing more relevant examples to support the argument. Ensure that your position is clear throughout the entire essay and is consistently related back to the question prompt. This will make your essay comprehensive and complete in response to the task.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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