student perform better in school when they are rewarder than punished. to what extend do you agree or disagree?

#student #school #rewarder

School

Fix the agreement mistake

Schools

show examples

consider

to apply

Change the verb form

applying

show examples

some methodology to improve

student

academic performance. One of the

method

Change to a plural noun

methods

show examples

give

Fix the infinitive

to give

show examples

some

reward

to motivate rather than

punishement

Correct your spelling

punishment

. In fact, I disagree with

with

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

the idea that giving

reward

Fix the agreement mistake

rewards

show examples

Add an article

the student

a student

show examples

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

can motivate

Add an article

the student

a student

show examples

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

to perform better. Giving

reward

Fix the agreement mistake

rewards

show examples

is one of

good

Correct article usage

the good

show examples

idea

Fix the agreement mistake

ideas

show examples

for

motivate

Change the verb form

motivating

show examples

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

to achieve better academic

score

Fix the agreement mistake

scores

show examples

This

method

Add a missing verb

is common

show examples

common

Change the word

commonly

show examples

used as an incentive for

Add an article

a student

the student

show examples

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

who

want

Change the verb form

wants

show examples

actively

Add a missing verb

be actively

show examples

involved in some

extraculicular

Correct your spelling

extracurricular

extra-curricular

activity, make an

innvoation

Correct your spelling

innovation

and initiative.

Therefore

, to make it more

intersting

Correct your spelling

interesting

, some

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

can give the

reward

in academic credit. To illustrate,

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

could make a policy for

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

who join and win a competition or olympiade can get extra academic credit or scholarship.

School

Fix the agreement mistake

Schools

show examples

can

also

take

Remove the article

apply

show examples

advantage by promoting

about

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

student

achievement to

public

Correct article usage

the public

show examples

and

build

Wrong verb form

building

show examples

a good reputation for

school

Add an article

the school

show examples

However

, only

give

Wrong verb form

giving

show examples

reward

Fix the agreement mistake

rewards

show examples

can not

fully

Add a missing verb

be fully

show examples

effective for

make

Change the verb form

making

show examples

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

perform better at

school

Reward

must be balanced with

punishment

, so

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

also

can learn about responsibility. To support that objective,

Add an article

the school

a school

show examples

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

should have

a rules

Correct the article-noun agreement

rules

a rule

show examples

about

reward

Fix the agreement mistake

rewards

show examples

and

punishment

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

can be

implement

Wrong verb form

implemented

show examples

consistent

Change the word

consistently

show examples

and

equal

Change the word

equally

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

all

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

For instance

school

Add an article

the school

a school

show examples

can make a

reward

for

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

who actively in class and

also

punishment

Change preposition

for

show examples

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

who is make the class noisy or not

condusive

Correct your spelling

conducive

situation.

This

balance

Change the verb form

balanced

show examples

concept, not only make

student

Add an article

the student

show examples

perform better but

also

obey the rules and

Add a missing verb

be resposible

show examples

resposible

Correct your spelling

responsible

for what they do. In conclusion, giving

reward

Fix the agreement mistake

rewards

show examples

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

is not only a good way to motivate

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

to perform better, but balanced it with

punishment

, it can make

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

learn about responsibility. I,

therefore

remainly

Correct your spelling

remain

convinced that

school

Correct article usage

the school

show examples

not only applied

reward

Correct article usage

the reward

show examples

approach alone.

Submitted by 2024successielts on Thu Dec 07 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay presents a basic structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good. However, to improve coherence and cohesion and achieve a higher band score, work on the logical flow of ideas throughout the essay. Ideas should progress naturally from one to the next, with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph and cohesive devices that help the reader link these ideas together smoothly.

task achievement

In terms of task achievement, the essay meets the minimum requirements of addressing the topic by presenting both sides of the argument. Yet the essay could be significantly developed by expanding on these ideas, including more in-depth analysis, and providing more relevant examples to support the argument. Ensure that your position is clear throughout the entire essay and is consistently related back to the question prompt. This will make your essay comprehensive and complete in response to the task.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
68Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

283 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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student perform better in school when they are rewarder than punished. to what extend do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered?

Group or team activities can teach more important skills for life than those activities which are done alone. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvatages?

Technology has brought many benefits to people, however, some elderly have difficult using technology. What are the possible benefits of technology for the elderly population and how can they be encouraged to use it. Give answers and explainations to support your opion.

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages ?