IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

many governments think that economic progress is their most imprtant goal. some people however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country discuss both views and give your opinion

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Unquestionably, every coin has two sides and so are the
people
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. Society’s
people
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 are divided into two groups and
therefore
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, economic growth and
importance
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the importance
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 of
other kind
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another kind
other kinds
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 of progress has become a topic of debate among
people
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.
This
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 essay will compare and contrast both of the opinions
along with
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 my opinion which is in the favour of former
view
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 will be discussed in a sensible conclusion. Initiating with the points supporting
first
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the first
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 school of thought,
firstly
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, some group of
people
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 who are of the
view
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 that economic development is regarded as the most beneficial achievement for a homey.
For instance
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, the United Kingdom is considered one of the most successful nations with a good economy.
This
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 makes the vast majority of foreigners invest their money in different companies.
Therefore
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 is no doubt that economic development is actually essential. On
its
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the
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 contrasting side,
people
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 who
held
Wrong verb form
hold
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 another
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view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
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 say that
,
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apply
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 other types of growth
such
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 as sports are
also
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 important. They believe that
,
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apply
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 these
are not only generate
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do not only generate
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 income for the state but
also
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 serve as sources of entertainment. For ,instance vast majority of
people
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 show their love when watching football especially when their team or homey is playing with other opponents. In fact, it even unites broken homes. Research has revealed that other types of advances contribute to the booming development of a bucolic.
To conclude
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, I would like to say that, I believe both sides of the argument have their own merits
,.
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,
.
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However
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, it will depend upon the mindsets of the
people
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 that which
view
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 they are in favour of

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task achievement
The essay lacks clear and comprehensive development of ideas. Arguments presented should be explained and elaborated upon with specific examples to demonstrate the candidate's understanding.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat present but sentences should connect more naturally. Transition phrases should be used correctly to ensure a smooth flow of ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more defined with a concise thesis statement and summary. The opinion needs to be clearly stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion.
task achievement
Relevant examples are missing to support the main points discussed in the essay. Including specific, detailed examples would increase the effectiveness of the argument and the overall impact of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic prosperity
  • Infrastructure
  • Gross Domestic Product (GDP)
  • Foreign investment
  • Social equality
  • Cultural heritage
  • Sustainable development
  • Environmental conservation
  • Technological advancement
  • Living standards
  • Holistic approach
  • Happiness index
  • Quality of life
  • Innovation
  • National identity
  • Harmonious society
  • Human rights
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